Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story
by guy2567
Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of the Three Kingdoms Period of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes. I hope you like it! This is my first story. Chapter 18, The Battle of Xiapi is up now! If you think there is something wrong, or the story is good, don't feel shy about it and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 1: The Yellow Turban Rebellion (The Oath in the Garden)**

In a small village, that was called Zhou there was a man that, though he was a descendant of the imperial lineage, wasn't as rich and powerful as the emperor was. He was a tall man with "big ears" and had lips so red that people thought he wore lipstick. He was liberal and amiable, sometimes a man of few words. His name was Liu Bei. One day, he noticed a post that wanted people to raise troops and go into the volunteer army to fight the Yellow Turbans and uprising led by a Taoist that exclaimed he was the general of heaven and that he was the chosen one. His name was Zhang Jiao. When Liu Bei finished reading the Post, he let out a long sigh. He wanted to participate in the fight against the Yellow Turbans but, he didn't have the resources to do it. Suddenly, a man with a wild beard and a somewhat fat body approached him and they started to talk.

**The Man: **Hey why do you let out such long sighs?

**Liu Bei: **I want to fight for the nation but I don't have the means to do it… What's your name?

**The Man: **I am Zhang Fei of Yan! I am a meat and wine seller but I don't have so much success on it and sometimes when I drink and celebrate people call me a Drunkard. I LOVE WINE! Don't know about that though… Hey what do you say we raise and army and take on those Yellow Turbans?

**Liu Bei: **Right... Would you do that? Thank you very much!

**Zhang Fei: **No problem! So how do they call ya?

**Liu Bei: **My name is Liu Bei, I don't have a job. I have to live in my parent's house and I'm 23 already! My uncle says that I will bring misfortune to our family and my family doesn't think too high of me for that same reason...

**Zhang Fei: **Oh man... That's bad...

Suddenly another man approached them; He had a very big beard and was tall of stature. He had a somewhat reddish face.

**Other Man:** I am Guan Yu. I have been fugitive since uhh well I don't know for slaying a loud man that threatened people in my hometown. I have heard much about Liu Bei's virtue. I was hoping that we could raise an army together and fight the Yellow Turbans.

Liu Bei then explained his and Zhang Fei's plans to him.

**Guan Yu: ** HEY THAT WAS MY IDEA! Well that sounds nice and I won't have to run from the people of my hometown every time I see them. We three may be treated as Heroes!

**Zhang Fei: **Why don't we go to my farm and be Sworn Brothers?

**Liu Bei: **Good Idea!

**Guan Yu:** It's settled, then.

Then three went to Zhang Fei's place and in a ritual became sworn brothers these are the words they said:

**Liu Bei: **We three, though born on different days and have different names, swear an oath of Brotherhood!

**Zhang Fei: **And bow to not fight over a woman, and die on the same day!

**Liu Bei: **What the…? It's not like it!

**Zhang Fei:** Oh well, I had nothing more to say…

**Guan Yu: **And by saying those words, we are united like Brothers! May heavens watch us and help us in our goal to restore peace!

**Liu Bei: **My brothers, destiny awaits!

There was a big party in the farm to celebrate the brother's oath. Many people went crazy and a drunk man escaped with one of Zhang Fei's chickens and went with it to a dark room. Sounds could be heard from outside.

**Zhang Fei: **Hey you thief and Animal Pedophile! Give me back my chicken! A chicken means money, and I don't wanna lose ma money u know?

**Drunken Man: **Damn you! I do whatever I like! Go cry to momma! I wanna have sex with something!

**Zhang Fei: **You will pay for that...!

Zhang Fei then opened the door and threw the drunk man into a near river. The man's fate is unknown for now (Probably he died). After the party everyone went to their houses. Guan Yu went with Liu Bei because he had no home, he was a fugitive.

End of Chapter 1

This is my first Fanfic, hope you have liked it! Chapter 2 is about Cao Cao making a name for himself by defeating Zhang Jiao's brothers


	2. Chapter 2

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 2: The Yellow Turban Rebellion (Cao Cao's Rise)**

There was a man that had a very big ambition, that of uniting china and for that he had the best men and veterans warriors. His name was Cow Cow err I mean Cao Cao. One day he reunited troops around his hometown and decided to engage with the Yellow Turbans. In the troops were Cao Cao's cousins, Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan. They were skilled warriors, Xiahou Dun with the sword and spear and Xiahou Yuan with the rod and bow. The next day, they marched towards the rebels and faced off with one of Zhang Jiao's brothers, Zhang Bao in his fortress.

What they did not know was that they were going to be nearly crushed by his sorcery and black magic.

**Cao Cao:** This peasants won't stop MY AMBITION! This Chaos shall help stablish my name throughout the land. We cannot afford to fall behind! ADVANCE!

**Zhang Bao: **Heavens! Hear me now! Rocks are going down and you are going to die now! You flaming idiots! Take thiisssssssssssssssss!

**Xiahou Dun: **Humph… mere talk..

Suddenly an avalanche of rocks nearly crushed the 3 cousins and killed many of the troops of Cao Cao.

**Xiahou Yuan: **Dang! We have underestimated the enemy! What is this? Sorcery?

Then a soldier talked to Cao Cao, to make him escape and prevent more damage.

**Soldier: ** Lord Cow Cow! Please retreat!

**Cao Cao: **DAMN! It's Tsao Tsao! Not Cow Cow! Do I look like a Cow?

**Soldier: **F...forgive me please…

**Cao Cao: **Okay..! Don't retreat now! Choose other routes and attack Zhang Bao from there!

Then, the army recovered and they went on to slay Zhang Bao. But, he magically teleported when a sword crossed his body

**Zhang Bao: **Sneaky aren't we?

**Cao Cao: **Mere parlor games! Destroy those ceremonial implements and grind them to dust!

Thus, Zhang Bao was slayed. Then Cao Cao's army quelled one part of the rebels but there remained two more important people, Zhang Jiao and his other brother Zhang Liang.

Cao Cao then proceeded to quell Zhang Liang and his men. His remaining troops went to another fortress. He and his men then arrived and faced off against Zhang Liang.

**Zhang Liang:** NO! I cannot believe someone killed my brother! I must put an end to this enemy!

**Zhang Liang: **Heavens! Hear me now! Activate the geysers of freedom! You heretics! None shall pass here! Spirits of the earth! Rise and join our battle for our freedom! Save the children of the Yellow Turban!

**Xiahou Yuan: **What are we going to see now? Tornadoes?

**Xiahou Dun: **Dunno about that, Yuan… What do you think, Cousin?

**Cao Cao: **I don't know that too… Let us see what this lunatic has in store…

Then, some geysers activated and they threw lava like a volcano in eruption.

**Zhang Liang: **Children of the Yellow Turbans, attack those infidels! Let heaven judge them for their sins!

**Soldier 1: **AGHHHH It Burnnnssss!

**Soldier 2: **My feeett ughhhh!

**Cao Cao: **Curses! Walk carefully and slay Zhang Liang! DO NOT RETREAT!

Then the troops did as Cao Cao commanded and they slayed Zhang Liang.

**Zhang Liang: **Ughh… is this how I am to meet my end..? Brother, kill those heretics and bring forth the age of the Way of Peace...! At least, my name doesn't sound like a cow. HA HA HA HA HA

**Yellow Turbans: **COW COW! MOOOOOOOO! COW COW! MOOOOOO

**Cao Cao: **I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU! NOT A SINGLE ONE IS GOING TO BE ALIVE!

**Xiahou Yuan: **Well, this is trouble...

Cao Cao slayed all the remaining Yellow Turban troops for mocking him. The remaining ones were too ashamed and fled back to their base

**Xiahou Yuan: **I suppose we can call this a day! Right, Brother Dun?

**Xiahou Dun: **Yeah, don't you think so, Cousin?

Then the Xiahou cousins noticed Cao Cao a bit off.

**Xiahou Yuan: **My lord, is there something wrong?

**Cao Cao: **The conflict will continue… even if we end this rebellion, there will be another man that threatens the sparks of conflict

**Xiahou Dun: **Oh I get your point…

**Cao Cao: **But for now, victory is important let us celebrate and drink! PARTY AT THE CASTLE!

**Troops: **YEAH!

During the celebration, Cao Cao met a mystical man that told him his destiny.

**Mysterious Man: ** You are a capable scholar during peaceful times and a hero during chaotic times. They will call you "The Hero of Chaos"

**Cao Cao: **Oh, excellent and when is that going to happen?

**Mysterious Man: **You will discover it soon.

Then the man laughed and disappeared into the walls of the castle the celebration was held.

**Cao Cao: **Am I crazy or that man disappeared? Must be drinking too much… I will return to my bed…

Then the celebration was finished. Many high ranking ministers of the Imperial Court where there. Cao Cao and his cousins were rewarded very much for their actions. Cao Cao's wealth increased significantly.

**End of Chapter 2**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Next chapter (Chapter 3) will be the end of the Yellow Turban rebellion with the three brothers.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Ryujin Mei: **Thanks for your support :) Yes, in this chapter Zhang Jiao will release his powahss and do crazy stuff. Hope you enjoy it and everyone else too!

**Chapter 3: The Yellow Turban Rebellion End**

Before going in the battle, the three Brothers went to a blacksmith to forge special weapons for each one of them.

**Blacksmith: **For you Mr. Long Beard err I mean Guan Yu, I did this saber.

**Guan Yu: **Thank you very much; I will call it Blue Dragon

**Blacksmith: **Good name! For you Mr. Zhang Fei I did this spear that resembles a snake.

**Zhang Fei: **I will call it Serpent Spear

**Blacksmith: **For you Mr. Virtue err Liu Bei I did this pair of swords.

**Liu Bei: **I won't call them with any name. It is childish…

**Zhang Fei and Guan Yu: **WHAAT?

**Liu Bei: **Nothing, just ignore what I said.

Then the brothers were very grateful with the blacksmith and payed him a significant amount of gold. Then they proceeded to where the Imperial Forces were and they signed as volunteer members with Liu Bei their leaders. But at first, the Imperial Forces belittled him and his men.

**Liu Bei: **I am a descendant of the Prince of Zhongshan, Liu Sheng. My name is Liu Bei

**Commander He Jin: **So you say you are a descendant of the Prince of Zhongshan, hmm…? And yet without someone who can verify your bloodline, well…

**Liu Bei: **Please let me join you, the land is in need of the people and my love for the people will not allow me to ignore that need! Please, may I join? There is a strength that resides not in a man's arms… We must overcome the chaos of our land!

**Commander He Jin: **ALL RIGHT I GET YOUR POINT! I'm gonna place you in command of one of the volunteer units.

**Liu Bei: **Thank you for your generosity! I shall do all in my power to repay your trust!

**Commander He Jin: **Yeah whatever. Just do what you need to do. Yolo, right?

**Liu Bei: **Excuse me but, what the hell does that mean?

**Commander He Jin:** Look in a dictionary. Also, do you know that the Prince of Shongshan had 120 sons and that in his tomb are sexual tools? (Search Wikipedia if you don't believe this)

**Liu Bei: **WTF? REALLY? OH MY!

Then, a messenger arrived.

**Messenger: **I bring news! Cao Cao and his men have slayed the brothers of Zhang Jiao! Yellow Turban morale is very low! Now is the chance to attack them!

**Commander He Jin: **Excellent! Advance! We shall end this rebellion in the name of the emperor! This peasants do not stand a chance against us! Run them through!

Then He Jin left the place to fight the Yellow Turbans. Liu Bei made the necessary preparations but, many people were angered with He Jin.

**Liu Bei: **That man, Cao Cao. He is an impressive fighter. I imagine him to be what the people refer to as a true hero...

**Guan Yu: **Brother! That He Jin is a imbecile! He thinks he is the best out there! Arrogant Fool! He doesn't know how to command an army! Should we slay him when the battle is over?

**Liu Bei: **Never! We could get in serious trouble for that. He is the Commander of the Imperial Forces after all. For now we must fight the Yellow Turbans.

**Zhang Fei: **But the Imperial Forces left us behind! We must catch up with them! Let's go!

After that, Liu Bei and his men went to quell the central part of the rebellion, were Zhang Jiao and his men were waiting for them. Liu Bei struggling with soldiers, until Zhang Fei and Guan Yu rescued him.

**Liu Bei: **Urghh... Blasted soldiers...

**Zhang Fei: **(Kills the soldiers) COME ON! You can do better than that!

**Liu Bei: **But, they are mere peasants! Driven to this by starvation, pain and suffering... How can we just...?

**Zhang Fei: **Well... If you are that soft, you won't be able to keep the vow you just made.

**Guan Yu: **Indeed... Now that we are sworn brothers, you need greater strength of spirit.

**Liu Bei: **Yes, you are right. We are unified, in intent and in life!

**Zhang Fei:** With our might!

**Guan Yu: **And our honor, we shall end this chaos!

**Liu Bei: **Let us end this rebellion! First, help any ministers that are engaged in battle and kill all the Yellow Turban officers you encounter. Then, attack Zhang Jiao.

They helped most of the ministers that were in the rebellion and that were isolated from He Jin. Most of them belittled Liu Bei and his forces because they were volunteers. Until they crossed their paths with one that looked like a human pig. His name was Dong Zhuo

**Dong Zhuo: **I pity the fool who angers me! His lot will not be a pleasant one!

Then Liu Bei and his men rescued Dong Zhuo and his forces.

**Dong Zhuo: **Where is your post in office? I will make sure you are handsomely rewarded!

**Liu Bei: **We don't have one… We are volunteer forces.

**Dong Zhuo: **WHAT? You commoners! Leave right now! Fight the enemy!

**Zhang Fei: **WHAT DID YOU SAY? You'd be dead if we didn't rescue you!

**Dong Zhuo: **HOW DARE YOU!

**Liu Bei: **Let him go, Zhang Fei. We are merely here to help the people and end this rebellion.

**Zhang Fei: **Humph...

**Dong Zhuo: **I'll kill you, commoner! Not a hair of yours will be left! Bla bla bla bla bla bla

Then Liu Bei and his men leaved with a very sour expression of Dong Zhuo.

**Dong Zhuo: **Humph… To be rescued by mere commoners…

After that, Liu Bei and his forces continued to fight the Yellow Turbans.

**Liu Bei: **What an arrogant man, that Dong Zhuo…

**Zhang Fei: **And he's very ugly! He looks like a pig!

**Troops: **HA HA HA HA HA

**Dong Zhuo: **I heard that you know!

**Troops: **We didn't say anything, sir

**Dong Zhuo: **Humph…

Then Liu Bei and his forces went on to fight Zhang Mancheng, a relative of Zhang Jiao

**Zhang Jiao: **ZHANG MANCHENG! RECEIVE THE POWAHHH!

**Zhang Mancheng: **AHHH I FEEL THE POWERRR!

**Zhang Mancheng: **Listen my brothers! We must have vengeance! We must make them feel Lord Zhang Bao's and Lord Zhang Liang's pain!

Then tornadoes went to the Imperial Forces and the Volunteer Forces, halting their march.

**Liu Bei: **Troops! Destroy those black cauldrons! They are the source of their magic!

Then the troops destroyed the ceremonial implements and killed Zhang Mancheng.

**He Jin: **Forward! Zhang Jiao must've punished for causing this rebellion!

**Zhang Jiao: **Unleash your rageeee! My chosen children! Unleash your rage upon the Han and bring forth the age of the Way of Peace!

Then when they approached Zhang Jiao, their suffered almost the same thing as the Cousins in last chapter

**Zhang Jiao: **I WILL HAVE REVENGEEE FOR MY CHILDREN AND BROTHERRSSS! TASTE THE HEAVENS WRATHHHH!

Then Geysers of Fire activated and Rocks went down.

**Liu Bei: **AHH! Troops choose other paths and advance carefully! Use those rocks that are near us to cover!

Liu Bei arrived first, without his brothers and faced off against Zhang Jiao.

**Zhang Jiao: **Our teachings are the ones that will lead the world to peace! We cannot allow you to stop us!

**Liu Bei: **Those teachings only spread the chaos! This isn't a world in peace! I shall make you pay for your crimes!

**Zhang Jiao: **You poor, naive fool… You cannot understand the ideals of the Yellow Turbans! In that case, I shall make use of my sorcery! let me say this, the Han has already burned out… Fools who will defy Heavens will! FEEL ITS FIERY FURY!

Then the geysers went even hotter than before! Fire was everywhere!

**Liu Bei:** You are the only one responsible for this! I shall put an end to you!

**Zhang Jiao:** The HEAVENSSSS are with me! A poor, deluded fool like yourself cannot stop me! The Heavens are angry! Retreat, and save your life!

**Liu Bei: **For the people, I cannot retreat!

Then they fought and Liu Bei slayed Zhang Jiao (Yes, he alone did it without help of his brothers)

**Zhang Jiao: **You poor, naïve fool… What is it that you want by defeating me…?

**Liu Bei: **I want to end the chaos of our land.

**Zhang Jiao: **The Han has already burned out… Defeating me will not mean anything…

**Zhang Jiao: **That naivety of yours and those brothers… Will be the ones that will end you

**Liu Bei: **WHAT?

Then Zhang Jiao died…

**Zhang Fei and Guan Yu: **Brother! Are you alright?

**Liu Bei: **Yes, thanks.

Some peasants arrived after that. They were scared of the forces of Liu Bei.

**Peasant 1: **And I thought the Yellow Turbans were bad!

**Peasant 2: **If we get in their way, those monsters would have killed us!

**Peasant 3:** RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

**Liu Bei:** But I...

**Guan Yu:** Brother, do no lose heart... Your decision to support the Han was the correct one.

**Zhang Fei:** Yeah! Surely those peasants are starving and are beginning to see weird things!

**Liu Bei:** Right...

Then Liu Bei and His Brothers were highly rewarded. Liu Bei was rewarded with a post in office in his hometown, Zhou and worked there along his brothers.

**Liu Bei: **(What did that Taoist mean? My end will be caused by my naivety and my brothers…?)

**Zhang Fei: **Hey what are you thinking? We have work to do!

**Liu Bei: **Ohh yeah I forgot

Around this time, Liu Bei married a childhood friend of his, her name was Lady Gan. She was his first wife and the one he loved the most (historically)

**Messenger: **I BRING URGENT NEWS! The Han Emperor Ling has died and there is a severe corruption in the Imperial Court and a internal fight between the Ministers and the castrated Eunuchs! (Yes they were castrated in real life and Cao Cao was a descendant of one of them)

**Liu Bei: **Oh No! What should we do?

**Lady Gan: **Perhaps we should stay here; someone will take advantage of this chaos and seize the court. It is too dangerous!

**Guan Yu: **I agree with sister in law, we should stay here. Ministers are corrupt and the Han court is not what it was lot of years ago...

**End of Chapter 3.**

**Wheww, this one was a long one…**

**So as you can see, Chapter 4 will be about crazy nobleman's (Yuan Shao, Cao Cao and He Jin) vs. the heinous Dong Zhuo**

**Who will win? You know about that if you have readed the book.**

**Hope you have enjoyed it**


	4. Chapter 4

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 4: Dong Zhuo's Rise and The end of the eunuchs**

After the death of Emperor Ling there were 2 factions in the imperial court. The ministers and generals vs. the castrated eunuchs. In the group of the ministers and generals, the imperial commander He Jin took advantage of being the brother of the late empress and issued an edict:

"We must slay the ten eunuchs who are responsible for this corruption!"

For that, he reunited men that approved of his ideas. In that group of men, the figures of Yuan Shao and Cao Cao could be seen. Yuan Shao and Cao Cao were childhood friends, and they didn't saw each other since long ago.

**Yuan Shao: **COW COW IS THAT YOU?

**Cao Cao: **DAMN! You never change do you nobleman?

**Yuan Shao: **Ha ha ha ha ha!

The two friends hugged each other and talked a lot. Then He Jin spoke of the current situation.

**He Jin: **We must slay the castrated Eunuchs! Seize them and grind them to dust! We will restore peace to the court!

**Cao Cao and Yuan Shao: **Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla EUNUCHS! Bla Bla Bla Bla RESTORE THE POWER OF THE COURT!

**He Jin:** WHAT DID YOU SAY! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY SPEECH!

**Cao Cao and Yuan Shao:** We didn't say nothing! We are speaking of current topics like the Han etc...

**He Jin:** Humph...

Meanwhile, in the Eunuchs Chamber…

**Eunuch 1: **Comrades, what should we do? We have been in the protection of the Han and now this Imbecile that is brother of the empress wants to kill us!

**Eunuch 2: **We must plot to make someone kill him! Hey you the guard over there!

**Guard: **Yes?

**Eunuch 2: **Kill He Jin! I will reward you with Gold, Wine and all the things you dream of!

**Guard: **Understood.

**Eunuch 3: **Those Guards are very generic… they only say Yes and Understood…

**Guard: **Understood.

**Eunuch 3: **I wasn't talking to you!

**Guard: **Understood.

**Eunuch 4: **CRAP just kill He Jin!

**Guard: **Understood.

Meanwhile, He Jin wrote an edict to his sister, the late empress, to kill the eunuchs and restore authority. But what he didn't know was that he was going to meet his end very soon, and that the edict wasn't noticed by the late empress.

**Guard: **Prepare yourself!

Then the guard slayed He Jin and his dreams came to an end. In the end, the ones that slayed the eunuchs were Yuan Shao and Cao Cao.

**He Jin: **I can't believe I lost to someone… as scrawny as you… Urghh...

**Guard: **Enemy Officer Defeated!

**Eunuch 5: **Wonderful! You have earned my praise warrior!

**Eunuch 6: **We can't fall behind!

Meanwhile in the Eunuch Chamber…

**Eunuch 7: **We have been saved! He Jin is dead!

**Eunuch 8: **But his troops remain healthy! We must slay them as well!

Meanwhile in the other side…

**Yuan Shao: **What! He Jin has been assassinated? Close the city gates and don't let those castrated eunuchs get away! Slay them all!

Thus, the eunuchs were either slayed or they committed suicide. The capital city of Luoyang was in a state of Chaos. Just then, a certain someone took advantage of the state of the court and seized it. It was Dong Zhuo.

**Dong Zhuo:** Mwhahahahahahaha! So the court is finally MINE! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!

**Yuan Shao**: Remember your place Fat Carcass! One such as yourself cannot approach the emperor! You are just a mere usurper!

**Dong Zhuo: **And you are a mere insect that wants to steal MY POWER IN THE COURT! The emperor is mine! The old world is dead! This is the new world! My World 2.0!

**Yuan Shao: **Wuttt? What is that?

**Dong Zhuo: **A world filled with Wine, Women and Song! My own personal paradise! It's nothing of your business! You are just another insect in the sole of my shoe! The world is mine!

**Yuan Shao:** How dare you talk to a Nobleman like meeee in that tone! INSOLENCE! You shall pay, Dong Zhuo!

**Dong Zhuo:** Guards! Escort him out of here! Put him in jail!

**Yuan Shao: **NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE LAND IS DOOMED! CAO CAO! SAVE ME!

Cao Cao arrived with some men and ambushed Dong Zhuo's troops. Dong Zhuo had to flee to the Imperial Palace. He then instated himself as Prime Minister of Han.

**Cao Cao: **You almost got killed there! We are criminals now! Dong Zhuo will put us in Jail!

**Yuan Shao:** That's the exciting part of a man's life! THE SUSPENSE! THE IRONY! Now we have to live our life to the fullest! We cannot get caught by Dong Zhuo!

**Cao Cao:** Let's get out of here first.

Dong Zhuo did not sympathize with the Emperor Shao, so he poisoned him along with his consort and made the Late Empress He trow herself by a window. He then instated the new emperor, Liu Xie as Emperor Xian. Everyone was in fear of Dong Zhuo. He also gained the service of Lu Bu, the mightiest warrior in the land.

**End of Chapter 4**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Chapter 5 is the Battle of Si Shui Gate.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it!**

**I changed some parts of the story, just for fun.**

**NOTE: I somehow managed to write chapter 5 from my phone. So if you notice something weird, it was caused by the word editing app in the phone.**

**Chapter 5: Battle of Sishui Gate and Escape from Luoyang**

Two years have passed since Dong Zhuo's rise to power. All people, from peasants to nobles, were in fear of him. He was someone to be scared off, not only for his power and authority. He was ugly as hell and had a very bad personality. One day, a minister from the court named Wang Yun was talking with Cao Cao about current topics, when suddenly he remembered something atrocious that Dong Zhuo did.

**Wang Yun**: With that monster in the court, people are crapping their pants off! Someone must plot to assasinate him!

**Cao Cao**: I volunteer to do it! He trusts in me and won't suspect that I will try to assasinate him! It's the perfect opportunity!

**Wang Yun**: Would you do that for the entire nation? For the people? Please take this sword with you. It is a very unique sword and never fails to break all that stands in its way. I wish you luck! You have our thanks!

**Cao Cao**: Thank you.

Then Cao Cao went to the Luoyang Palace, with Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan. After some time elapsed, the Xiahou cousins began to worry.

**Xiahou Yuan**: Do you think he is okay?

**Xiahou Dun**: Do not worry Yuan. I am sure he is okay and he will get out safe.

Meanwhile at the Luoyang Palace, Cao Cao and Dong Zhuo were talking. Lu Bu was watching closely. Suddenly Dong Zhuo turned around and Lu Bu was occupied in the Bathroom. (Yeah in the Bathroom though he was in a nearby room in the actual novel) Cao Cao took advantage of the situation and was going to kill Dong Zhuo until the sword got out of his clothes and Dong Zhuo discovered it.

**Dong Zhuo**: COW COW! Is this how you repay my generosity? Guards! Seize him!

Then the guards pointed Cao Cao's head with spears.

**Dong Zhuo**: How pitiful! Why don't you come to serve me? Help me create a land of my image!

**Cao Cao**: And how would that land be?

**Dong Zhuo**: Isn't it obvious!? A world filled with Wine, Women and Song! My own personal paradise! My World 2.0!

**Cao Cao**: An excellent goal indeed... but let me tell you something, I refuse to serve you to make your world! A world that is only designed for a greedy pig like you!

**Dong Zhuo**: Why you little... I have you killed! Lu Bu! Come here

**Lu Bu**: But I'm pooping in the Bathroom...

**Dong Zhuo**: I said come here dammit! Or I WILL STRIP YOU OF ALL YOUR RANKS!

**Lu Bu:** I'M GOING!

Lu Bu then arrived at the Hall.

**Dong Zhuo**: Only those who attain true strength are fit to survive!

**Cao Cao**: True Strength eh? Well, it is with that strength that I will defeat you!

Then Cao Cao recovered and in a quick glimpse, he killed the two guards.

**Dong Zhuo**: Not bad...

Then Cao Cao threw one of the spears the guards had at Dong Zhuo, but, Lu Bu managed to destroy it. Cao Cao then fled for his life, until he finded Lu Bu.

**Lu Bu:** Fleeing rat! You just don't know when you are cornered, do you?

**Cao Cao: **Let's see how you can handle this! Release the tigers!

Cao Cao's men then opened the gate that contained some tigers in Dong Zhuo's living room. Lu Bu silenced them and the tigers ran away in fear of Lu Bu.

**Cao Cao:** Well in that case, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Catch me if you can, Beast!

**Lu Bu:** FLEEING RAT! COME OVER HERE AND MEET YOUR END!

Cao Cao then fled like a mad Man. Waiting for him outside were the Xiahou Cousins. Xiahou Yuan prepared his bow and shot arrows to some soldiers who were chasing Cao Cao. Then they escaped the city of Luoyang, after being chased by soldiers, generals and Lu Bu himself.

**Xiahou Yuan**: I swear, I will never do that again we were almost killed! And now we have to live as fugitives!

**Xiahou Dun: **You knew this was going to be dangerous... Why did you do it?

**Cao Cao**: Not for long... I got an idea... I will organize a coalition against Dong Zhuo!

**Xiahou Dun:** WHAT! What if all goes wrong and no one is willing to stand against him?

**Cao Cao: **Everything will go smooth, I assure you.

Cao Cao then called for the other warlords across the land to raise arms and form a coalition against Dong Zhuo. Cao Cao also gained the services of his cousins Cao Ren and Cao Hong, along with Yue Jin, Yu Jin and Li Dian. Many reputed leaders were there. There was Yuan Shao, Sun Jian, Yuan Shu, Gongsun Zan and others. Liu Bei was serving under Gongsun Zan at that time. He said farewell to his hometown, Mother and wife. He and Gongsun Zan were childhood friends and studied together, much like Cao Cao and Yuan Shao. At that time, a meeting was held to determine the leader of the Coalition.

**Cao Cao**: I suggest my lord Yuan Shao.

Cao Cao then gave Yuan Shao a serious look.

**Yuan Shao**: Er-hem Yes... all right then! I accept the position of GRAND COMMANDER! And I swear to destroy the traitor Dong Zhuo! Men flocked to our cause, and we were able to slay the Ten Eunuchs! However, in that group of men was Dong Zhuo! Now, he has ultimate power, and it seems that there is no end to his corruption! We must destroy him!

Everyone was happy at Yuan Shao's speech.

**Cao Cao:** A fine speech! Very rousing!

**Yuan Shao: **Yes! Well... We must stop Dong Zhuo!

**Everyone: **YEAH!

**Yuan Shao: **Cao Cao! You owe me, remember. You're going to help me! I promote you to Vice Grand Commander!

**Cao Cao: **Excellent...

**Yuan Shao**: Sun Jian will take the lead, and Yuan Shu shall provide support. Generals! Good Fortune in Battle!

The next day the Allied Forces broke through Sishui Gate, an strategically important place. Unrest began in Dong Zhuo's camp. Then Li Ru, Who was Dong Zhuo's strategist, spoke.

**Li Ru**: My lord, you should place one of you best generals to defend Sishui gate. It's an strategically important place. We cannot afford to lose it.

**Dong Zhuo**: All right who wants to go?

Then a general spoke. It was Hua Xiong. He had a physical appearance like that of an Ape and he was very strong, second only to Lu Bu.

**Hua Xiong**: I Volunteer to do it! I will bring Yuan Shao's head to you my lord!

**Dong Zhuo**: Excellent, but I need a commander... Li Jue! Go and accompany Hua Xiong! Go and drag your damn butts there right now!

After Hua Xiong went to defend Sishui Gate, he was nearly unstoppable. No general from the allied forces could hold his own against him

**Hua Xiong**: Can anybody provide me with a Decent Challenge?

**Lu Bu**: Hey that's my line!

**Hua Xiong**: Meh...

Meanwhile at the Allied Forces main camp...

**Yuan Shao**: How can this be? Are there no warriors here that can defeat Hua Xiong? If only Wen Chou and Yan Liang were here...

**Sun Jian**: We can't do it... We haven't received the supplies from Yuan Shu... They enemy will overwhelm us!

**Yuan Shu:** The enemy is hindering our advance! We are unable to maintain our supply lines! How can you speak to me like that?

**Yuan Shao:** Yuan Shu! What is the meaning of this! You are a son of the Yuan family! You should act better than that!

**Yuan Shu:** Humph...

Some days before...

**Yuan Shu**: If I send the supplies now, the Glory will be all Sun Jian's... Do not send the supply convoy out yet... Make it seem that we have a trouble, and we can't send the supplies.

At the Main Camp...

Suddenly a figure stood from the rest. It was Guan Yu.

**Guan Yu**: I volunteer to slay Hua Xiong! If I do not succeed, You can have my head.

Cao Cao then poured some wine for him.

**Cao Cao: **Please drink this, it's a departure gift!

**Guan Yu:** No thanks, Lord Cao Cao. I shall return shortly.

Then Guan Yu left the tent.

**Hua Xiong:** What's the matter? Are you lost? You poor, little thing...

**Guan Yu**: Hua Xiong! Come and face judgement by my blade! I shall present your head to my lord!

**Hua Xiong**: SILENCE! How dare somebody as lowly as you speak to me like that! You wanna take me on? Come and get it!

**Guan Yu**: I shall smite you with my Blade of Honor!

**Hua Xiong:** You patetic rabble! While I stand, no one shall pass this gate!

Then the two fought and Guan Yu got the upper hand. He slayed him in just a couple of seconds.

**Guan Yu**: The mighty Hua Xiong! I have claimed your life in the name of my brother Liu Bei!

**Li Jue** then saw the complete scene.

**Li Jue**: Sishui Gate is lost! Retreat!

Then Guan Yu arrived at the Main Camp with Hua Xiong's head. The wine was still warm. Everyone congratulated Guan Yu and the 3 Brothers fame increased.

**Cao Cao: **(Hmm... it is an impressive feat indeed to defeat Hua Xiong... I would like to have Guan Yu serve in my army...)

Meanwhile at Dong Zhuo's camp...

**Dong Zhuo**: Whuut? So you mean Sishui gate is lost? And Hua Xiong too

**Li Jue**: Yeah... We couldn't do anything about it...

**End of Chapter 5**

**Whew this was a long one specially because I wrote it all on a Cellphone. Next Chapter will be the Battle of Hulao Gate and Chapter 7 will be the Hunt for the Imperial Seal**


	6. Chapter 6

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**NOTE: Until 8/5/2013 I will continue to write in my cellphone. If you notice something weird it is caused by the document editing app in the phone. This will be a very funny chapter, I am sure you will like it very much. I will try to post a new chapter each day.**

**Chapter 6: Battle of Hu Lao Gate and Wang Yun's Plot.**

After they won the Battle of Sishui Gate, the Allied Forces morale was very high and they proceded to attack Hu Lao Gate. It was one of the most strategic places in Luoyang. If the Allied Forces could break through this Gate, they could enter Luoyang and kill Dong Zhuo. But they did not know who was waiting for them

**Dong Zhuo**: All generals! Participate in this battle! Lu Bu will defend Hu Lao Gate. All other generals, Fight the enemy!

**Troops**: Yes Lord Dong Zhuo!

**Dong Zhuo**: Now get your butts out there and fight the enemy! I will be passing special time with my concubines! Ladies... You know what to do ;) Meet me at the bedroom! Mwhahahahahhahaha!

Meanwhile, the Allied Forces began their march. However, after the members of the Coalition got to know each other well, conflict started between them. Especially between Gongsun Zan and Yuan Shao.

**Yuan Shao:** Humph...! Peasants like yourself cannot have a stake of the land! How dare you disobey me!

**Gongsun Zan:** Grrrr...

Gongsun Zan was almost going to start fighting with Yuan Shao but, his lieutenant general Zhao Yun stopped him.

**Zhao Yun:** LORD GONGSUN ZAN! You can't start a fight here! Please, let us walk away together!

**Gongsun Zan: **Grrr... You'll see, Yuan Shao! I'm the one whose name will shine the brightest on the Battlefield!

**Yuan Shao:** Humph...

Gongsun Zan then walked away to where Liu Bei was. They talked for a while and then he left. Liu Bei then approached Zhao Yun.

**Liu Bei: **Friend, thank you! It's lucky that he had you there by his side. I fear my fellow student has a temper... Forgive me! My name is Liu Bei. May I enquire as to who you might be?

However, they were interrupted by Gongsun Zan, who was preparing to march in battle.

**Gongsun Zan:** Zhao Yun! What are you doing? I'm waiting for you!

**Zhao Yun:** Yes, I am coming my lord! Zhao Yun is my name. I hope we meet again, perhaps on the field of battle.

Zhao Yun then rushed to where Gongsun Zan was. He asked Gongsun Zan about Liu Bei.

**Zhao Yun:** Lord Gongsun Zan, what do you know about the man I was speaking to?

**Gongsun Zan:** Liu Bei? He and I were students together. He was always quite gentle and intelligent but that's pretty much all he was. He is now my second in comand. How didn't you notice him? He came to serve me like a year ago! Come on, we have work to do!

**Zhao Yun:** Yes! Hmmm... Just gentle...? No, there is something more about him...

All forces were ready to march. Yuan Shao gave another of his speechs.

**Yuan Shao**: Onward! We will topple Hu Lao Gate! Break down the gates with the Ram! Protect the Ram while it heads for Hu Lao Gate! We must defeat this traitors and restore the glory of the Han Empire! All units, forward! It is the time to show the glory of my noble family!

After some time the Ram, with many strikes, managed to destroy the Gate. But someone appeared there...

**Soldier 1**: Is that who I think it is?

**Soldier 2**: AHH I-its LU BU!

**Soldier 3**: Its LU BU! LU BU has come to destroy us!

**Lu Bu**: Get out of my way!

All nearby soldiers where killed by Lu Bu

**Lu Bu**: Can anybody provide me with a Decent Challenge!?

Unrest began in the Allied Forces camp.

**Yuan Shao**: Is there no warrior here that can defeat Lu Bu?

Then someone spoke. It was Liu Bei's other brother, Zhang Fei

**Zhang Fei**: I shall bring Lu Bu's head here!

Everyone applauded him. He then left to fight Lu Bu.

**Lu Bu**: I am sick of weaklings! Come!

**Zhang Fei**: You Dog with 3 Surnames! You know who I am?

**Lu Bu**: No!

**Zhang Fei**: I am the mighty Zhang Fei!

**Lu Bu**: Never heard of you!

**Zhang Fei**: Oh you ignorant...

**Lu Bu**: Enough talk! Fight me or run if you are scared! If you dare to stand before me, you have courage!

Then the two fought, with neither of them gaining advantage. Soon Guan Yu joined Zhang Fei.

**Guan Yu**: Zhang Fei! I am here to help you!

**Lu Bu**: Two of you? Well, Whatever, I take you on anyway! Entertain me, if you can!

Even with the two of them, they couldn't overcome Lu Bu. Liu Bei then joined them and they almost overcame Lu Bu. But he retreated when Liu Bei entered.

**Lu Bu**: I haven't got time for you Maggots! If you want this place so badly then take it! I fight only for myself and not for that Fat Pig!

Lu Bu then retreated. The Allied Forces then conquered Hu Lao Gate. But when they entered Luoyang, they found something disastrous.

Some days before that, when Lu Bu's report of defeat came...

**Dong Zhuo**: What?! The Allied Forces are entering Luoyang? But my dreams... My grand paradise... We have no choice. Move to Chang'an and install the capital there! Burn the city and keep the invaders out! Mwahahahhahahaha! You pathetic scum! I will burn all of you to ashes!

Returning to the present time...

**Yuan Shao**: WHAT IS THIS! INSOLENCE!

**Cao Cao**: Lead an organized search and look for any of Dong Zhuo's remnants!

When the search concluded, the soldiers did not find Dong Zhuo, but they managed to get information from peasants.

**Soldier**: My lord, the people say that Dong Zhuo has retreated to Chang'an and has installed the capital there. He also excavated the tombs of the late Emperors and robbed them of their treasures.

**Yuan Shao**: What are we waiting for? Chase him!

**Soldier**: But our supplies are low! We cannot chase them!

**Yuan Shao**: Humph... Retreat for now!

**Gongsun Zan:** What do you say about it all, Yuan Shao? It was my White Riders that the enemy feared the most! MY WHITE RIDERS! ZHAO YUN! You fought almost as well as I did out there! I want you around! You've got a big future with me! RIGHT! Everyone is going to be rewarded for this fight, that's for certain! This country needs more men like me!

Zhao Yun then remembered his moments with Liu Bei. He knew what he was going to do. He was going to join with Liu Bei.

**Zhao Yun:** Master Gongsun Zan... Physical strength will not bring peace to our land... It is something else... Forgive me, I seek something greater than strength. I find that I must leave your side for some time.

**Gongsun Zan:** WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING ZHAO YUN? NOOOOOO!

But it was to late for Gongsun Zan. Zhao Yun already left.

**Zhao Yun:** To search for what I seek... Forgive me for my change of affiliations, my lord. I know what I have to do... Oh! Liu Bei! There is more to that man that meets the eye! I must join him!

The Allied Forces then retreated and the Campaign against Dong Zhuo concluded. The Allied Forces then disbanded and each warlord went to its home. Some remained in Luoyang, watching what happened. This was the case of Sun Jian. What he did will be explained next chapter.

Meanwhile at Chang'an, Dong Zhuo's defeat was heard in all the land. After he was defeated, the Coalition failed to kill him. Wang Yun had come with a Plot to divide Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu, to make Lu Bu revolt.

To make this, he had to use his adopted daughter. She was very beautiful and had many good qualities. She was also an expert dancer. Her name was Diaochan

**Diaochan**: What did you call me for father?

**Wang Yun**: Please may I ask you to do something for all the people here?

**Diaochan**: What is it?

**Wang Yun**: I will have to present you to both Lu Bu and Dong Zhuo, So to turn Lu Bu against Dong Zhuo. I know it is a hard task but please you have to do it, for the people?

**Diaochan**: I understand, I will do it.

**Wang Yun**: Thank you, my daughter

That night Wang Yun invited Lu Bu to a banquet in his house. Wang Yun called for Diaochan.

**Wang Yun**: Diaochan this is General Lu Bu.

Lu Bu was awestruck by the beauty of Diaochan and her expositive Dance costume (aka DW8 One)

Lu Bu was up and down looking at her. He looked at her face, her legs and her boobs... Her first words to him were:

**Diaochan**: Lord Lu Bu! My face is up here!

**Lu Bu**: HIII I-er sorry hehehe... (Damn I screwed it up...)

**Wang Yun**: (This is working perfectly...)

Wang Yun then promised Lu Bu that Diaochan was going to be his wife. He had never felt happier in his life. He spent the rest of the night talking with her.

The next day, Wang Yun went with Diaochan to the Chang'an palace. He promised Dong Zhuo that Diaochan was going to be his Concubine. He was very happy.

**Dong Zhuo**: What an adorable little girl! I promise I will take good care of you! MWHAHAHAHA

When Lu Bu heard this, he was severly dissapointed with Wang Yun.

**Lu Bu**: What is the meaning of this?

**Wang Yun**: That Dong Zhuo seized Diaochan from me when he saw her! I couldn't do anything.

**Lu Bu**: That fat pig! I meet the woman of my life and he takes her away from me! Why does he do this? Doesn't he have enough woman?

This made Lu Bu feel different about Dong Zhuo. He took orders from him hastily and slightly hated him for Diaochan.

**End of Chapter 6**

**Hope you liked it!**


	7. Chapter 7

** Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Ryujin Mei: Yeah Dong Zhuo is so perv... i think the one you mean is Pang De, who before fighting Guan Yu at Fan Castle he brought a coffin. Again, thanks for your support and all the readers too!**

**Chapter 7: The Hunt for the Imperial Seal**

After the Allied Forces disbanded, Sun Jian remained in Luoyang. He ordered to put out the fires and to seal the excavated tombs in Luoyang. Soldiers found a Jade Seal in one of the Emperor tombs. After examinating the Seal for a long time, he was surprised to see that the firm of the Han Rulers was there. He concluded that the seal was the legendary Imperial Seal. It had so much power that the one possesing it could do whatever he or she likes. At that time, Sun Jian was with his generals Huang Gai, Han Dang and Cheng Pu as well with his oldest son, Sun Ce.

**Huang Gai**: What is this seal, my lord? It looks like a really old relic.

**Sun Jian**: This, my friends, is the Imperial Seal of old times. One of the signs of the Emperor's authority.

**Sun Ce**: Really, Pop? U can do whatever you like with this!

**Han Dang**: My lord, you can proclaim yourself as the Emperor with this seal!

**Cheng Pu**: But such act can be considered as treason by the other warlords!

**Han Dang**: Well you are right...

**Sun Jian**: I will remain silent with this. If other rulers know about this, they might think that I want to do something disloyal with it or even steal the seal from me.

After some days passed, the rumors were leaked and the armies of Yuan Shao and Dong Zhuo arrived, asking for the inmediate surrender of Sun Jian and the Imperial Seal.

**Yuan Shao**: Some rumors have come to my ears, saying you have possesion of the Imperial Seal. HAND IT OVER TO ME NOW

**Sun Jian**: What is this? Those are mere rumors! I don't have the Imperial Seal!

**Yuan Shao**: Silence! You peasant scum! Don't you dare to talk lies to a Nobleman like meeee! (He always says meeeeee when he says me)

**Sun Jian**: I am not a peasant! I'm a descendant of Sun Tzu! And if I am lying, then I shall die by a thousand arrows!

**Yuan Shao**: Humphh... If you are lying, then you shall die by arrows! I shall take my leave. But, If you are really lying then I shall lead an army and crush you!

Yuan Shao then leaved. Sun Ce was in charge of dealing with Dong Zhuo's messengers, Li Ru and Guo Si.

**Sun Ce**: What do you want you Grunts?

**Guo Si**: You have some balls kid, to talk like that!

**Li Ru**: You should probably hand it to us, kid. Lord Dong Zhuo is the most powerful ruler in the land and has the emperor in his custody. GIVE IT TO US NOW

**Sun Ce**: Neither my father or me are afraid of Dong Zhuo or Lu Bu. Go home little boys! My pop doesn't have that stupid seal!

**Troops**: KILL THE BRAT! x2

**Li Ru**: Ok, It's alright... But if you are lying then we will cut your heads off and feed them to the animals!

Father and Son were safe and defended themselves from their detractors. Next one in the line was Yuan Shu. But Sun Jian came up with an idea.

**Sun Jian**: I will give it to you if you protect me and defend me. If you don't comply, then I refuse to do business with you!

**Yuan Shu**: Ok... Consider it a deal.

But, for Yuan Shu, there was no business where he didn't take advantage. He was a devious man and in exchange for his protection, He urged Sun Jian to attack Liu Biao in Jing Province. What will happen there? You will see it in next chapter.

**End of Chapter 7**

**Hope you liked it! Chapter 8 will be the Battle of Xianyang (aka Surprise Attack on Liu Biao) and Chapter 9 will be about Wang Yun's Plot Part 2 (Assasination of Dong Zhuo)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**I changed some parts of the story, just for fun.**

**Chapter 8: Battle of Xiangyang (Sun Jian's death)**

**Ryujin Mei**: Yeah, sadly he dies here... if only he didn't fell in Huang Zu's Trap...

**NOTE: Sorry for not making this one a long chapter, there aren't many memorable moments in this battle except for Sun Jian chasing Huang Zu and being killed and Sun Ce screaming FATHERR!**

After the deal with Yuan Shu, Sun Jian agreed to be Yuan Shu's subordinate. There were now 2 groups fighting for supremacy. Yuan Shao's group was conformed by him, Cao Cao and Liu Biao, and Yuan Shu's group, who was conformed by him, Sun Jian and Gongsun Zan. Yuan Shu ordered Sun Jian to attack Liu Biao, who was the new ruler of Jing Province. They met at Xiangyang. Liu Biao appointed his general Huang Zu as the commander for the battle. Meanwhile, Sun Jian was advacing by boats.

**Sun Ce**: Father! Let me have the forefront!

**Sun Jian**: Hmmm... This shall be your first battle... I shall expect good things from you!

Meanwhile, Huang Zu initiated an attack on the boats and many of Sun Jian's troops were killed. Despite protest from his generals, Sun Jian kept advancing to Jing Province. When he finished making the Main Camp of his forces, something happened, indicating bad luck. The flagpole or banner of Sun Jian's camp fell with the wind.

**Han Dang**: The flagpole... This is bad omen... And this strong wind too...

**Sun Jian**: Hahahaha don't believe in supersticions Han Dang! If we win, we win and if we lose, we lose!

**Sun Ce**: The wind can blow as fast as it likes! We have only to go through even faster!

**Han Dang**: Well, if you all say it... I think I can believe you.

**Sun Jian**: I'm also expecting good things from you too, Han Dang!

**Han Dang**: Y-yes my lord!

The next day they started to battle with Liu Biao. Sun Jian always had the upper hand because his tactics were better and Huang Zu wasn't very clever.

**Huang Zu**: SUN JIAN! I Have come for your head! You didn't have to bring your family here! They will all watch how you die!

**Sun Jian**: No, thanks. I like it where it is now. SILENCE! I will not listen to Liu Biao's lapdog! I will claim this land of Jing in the name of the Sun Family!

Then they fought until Sun Jian gained the upper hand and he fled. He insulted Sun Jian to make him fall into a trap.

**Huang Zu**: SUN JIAN! Er-hem... Your daughter is a b**ch your wife is a witch your son is a animal he lives with the barbarians and u know what? U gonna lose your life doggg!

**Sun Jian**: WHAT! Your going to die you pesky little...!

Sun Jian fell for the plot and what he didn't know was that he was going to get ambushed...

**Huang Zu**: Mwhahaha he fell for it! Ambush units, now!

Sun Jian was ambushed and shot to death. In the middle of the chaos, he saw his son one last time.

**Sun Jian**: Ugh... Ce... My son... You must lead our family now... Be well and tell your Mother,Brother and Sister that I love them... Though I will die, the Sun family will prevail... Farewell my Son...

**Sun Ce**: FATHEEERRR! DAMN LIU BIAO! I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE FOR MY FATHER'S DEATH! I WILL KILL LIU BIAO FOR YOU, FATHER!

Thus, Sun Jian died, at the age of 36. He left out a widowed wife, two sons and a daughter. His officers and friends mourned his death. Sun Ce was made his succesor and at first, he wanted to rush into the enemy main camp and kill Huang Zu. His officers convinced him to not rush into the enemy camp and to retreat, to prevent further damage. At the end, he retreated and Liu Biao's side went with the victory. His family also mourned his death. When Yuan Shao heard of his death this was his reaction.

**Yuan Shao**: SO HE WAS LYING ALL THIS TIME! A nobleman like meee can see even the minor flaw in a lie! Tomorrow we will march to claim the Imperial Seal!

Then Yuan Shao's adviser, Xu You, spoke up

**Xu You**: My lord! You shouldn't attack Sun Jian's son now! He has the protection of Yuan Shu and he may attack us!

**Yuan Shao**: Humphh... Forget about it for now.

Dong Zhuo too, was happy for Sun Jian's death because he now had one less enemy to worry about. Yuan Shu cried fake tears. He was in realiy very happy, because Sun Jian was someone who had ambition and wasn't content serving another, like a tiger.

**End of chapter 8**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Next Chapter is Dong Zhuo's assasination and after that is Dong Zhuo's sucessors (Li Jue and Guo Si's rise)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Romance the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**NOTE: This chapter is very funny and a little perverted in the part of Diaochan crying (That happened in the real novel, I just added some sense of humor)**

**Chapter 9: Wang Yun's Plot Part II (Dong Zhuo's Assasination)**

After Sun Jian's death, many of the territories he had were lost. Some of his subordinates rebelled and joined Yuan Shu. Even though Sun Ce served Yuan Shu himself, most of his father's retainers deserted him and only the closest to him remained. Meanwhile at Dong Zhuo's side, the competition for Diaochan heated up and hostilites between Lu Bu and Dong Zhuo began to build. One day, Lu Bu found Diaochan crying in her bed. Lu Bu went to talk with her.

**Lu Bu**: Diaochan, what is bothering you? He asked in fear

**Diaochan**: That Monster Dong Zhuo just finished having sexual relations with me! He is an animal!

**Lu Bu**: REALLY? ARE YOU HURT! AHHHH HE WILL PAY FOR THIS!

Diaochan then showed Lu Bu what Dong Zhuo just did in her "parts"

**Lu Bu**: OHHH DAMN! HE REALLY IS AN ANIMAL! THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE! HOW I HATE HIM!

**Diaochan**: Yes he is... Ouch... Could you get me some medicine?

**Lu Bu**: Y-yes please wait.

Lu Bu then gave Diaochan the medicine. He continued to meet with her, without Dong Zhuo knowing anything. One day, Dong Zhuo was going to Diaochan's chamber and he saw Lu Bu and Diaochan holding hands. He was enraged.

**Dong Zhuo**: WHAT THE HELL? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

**Diaochan**: Lord Dong Zhuo, the General came here and wanted to have relations with me by force!

**Dong Zhuo**: WHAT? LU BU! GET OUT, NOW!

Dong Zhuo then threw a halberd to Lu Bu. He dodged it and ran as fast as he could. He was very mad with Dong Zhuo. The next day he went to Wang Yun's residence for advice.

**Lu Bu**: That fat pig almost killed me! I hate him so much! And he had sexual relations with Diaochan too! The animal... I HATE HIM!

**Wang Yun**: Then join us on an attempt to overthrow Dong Zhuo, please! We have to end his tiranny!

**Lu Bu**: Ok... I will think about it and give you an answer tomorrow.

**Wang Yun**: Thank you very much.

After reflexionating, Lu Bu came with an answer. One such as he cannot serve a pig like Dong Zhuo. He will join Wang Yun and end Dong Zhuo's life.

**Lu Bu**: Ok, I will join you. That fat pig doesn't deserve to live anymore!

**Wang Yun**: Yes! This is wonderful! Tomorrow we will make a fake reunion in which the emperor abdicates in favor of Dong Zhuo. When he enters the palace, Diaochan will follow him. Diaochan will then call the others and the others will stab and injure him. Then you enter, and kill him.

**Lu Bu**: Understood

When Lu Bu left Wang Yun's residence he encountered Dong Zhuo. He was there to apologize.

**Dong Zhuo**: Lu Bu... I am sorry, my son... I placed Diaochan above of you... I cannot afford to lose you, Lu Bu. Please, Forgive me...

**Lu Bu**: No problem, my lord please forgive me too...

**Dong Zhuo**: I forgive you...

Then Lu Bu went to his residence. A letter arrived to Dong Zhuo, it was from the emperor. It said that he wanted to abdicate in favor of him.

**Dong Zhuo**: MWHAHAHA THIS IS A GOOD DAY! The useless emperor is abdicating the throne to ME! Now I can begin building my own personal paradise of Wine, Women and Song! My World 2.0!

The next day he got prepared for the Abdication ceremony. When he was entering the Palace, he was surprised to see Diaochan.

**Dong Zhuo**: Diaochan, you are here! Come with me to the palace! I will take good care of you... MWHAHAHAHAHA

**Diaochan**: Yes Lord Dong Zhuo... I am here... Here for your life you Fat Carcass! Everyone, Come out now!

Then, Wang Yun and his loyalists appeared. He sent the Cavalry general Li Su to stab Dong Zhuo.

**Dong Zhuo**: AHHH! What is the meaning of this? What is going on here?

Then Lu Bu appeared, armed with his Halberd.

**Dong Zhuo**: Ohh heavens! Thank you! Lu Bu is here to save me! Lu Bu! Please kill these worthless vermin!

**Lu Bu**: SILENCE! FAT PIG! This is the end of the line for you and for all those who have supported you! I have an Imperial edict to slay the rebel!

Lu Bu then stabbed Dong Zhuo to death with his Halberd. His last words were this:

**Dong Zhuo**: Lu Bu... You ungrateful Dog... How dare you bite the hand that feeds you not once, but twice...! Diaochan... You ungrateful b**ch... How dare you play with me...! You two will go both go to hell...! Farewell, Useless Vermin...

Thus, Dong Zhuo's tiranny came to an end. He died in the year 192. Lu Bu and Diaochan then set the corpse in fire. They kissed near the fire. Now they were free of his tiranny. (Well this is a bit romantic isn't it? We going back to the story right NOW!)

After that, Wang Yun's followers slaughtered all of Dong Zhuo's clan. Even his 90 year old mother was murdered. The people too, were happy because now they didn't have to tremble with fear when they walked in the capital. Dong Zhuo's followers in the capital were killed, too. The first one was Li Ru, Dong Zhuo's strategist. When Dong Zhuo's former generals and assistants in crime Li Jue, Guo Si, Zhang Ji and Fan Chou arrived in Chang'an they were not accepted in Wang Yun's group of followers and driven back from the Capital. This made them mad and they rebelled. They raised an army to recover what they lost. Also, Wang Yun, After having slayed Dong Zhuo began being arrogant and did not heed advice.

**Who will win? You will see it in next chapter.**

**End of Chapter 9**

**Hope you liked it!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 10: Dong Zhuo's Succesors (The rise of Li Jue and Guo Si)**

After Dong Zhuo's assasination, his body was left in the streets of Chang'an. It was in fire, and the fire never ended because the fats in Dong Zhuo's belly served as Fuel for the fire. Wang Yun's officials made an order, that no one may approach the corpse. However 3 officials, including the famous artist Cai Yong (Cai Wenji's father) broke the rules and were executed. After this events Wang Yun became arrogant. When Dong Zhuo's former generals Li Jue, Guo Si, Zhang Ji and Fan Chou arrived at the capital asking for forgiveness, Wang Yun rejected them, saying this:

**Wang Yun**: Of all the people, this four won't be forgived. Get out of here, you fools or I will execute you!

The 4 were driven back from the capital. Enraged, they raised an army and attacked Chang'an. The one who proposed this was none other than Jia Xu. (Yeah, the same one who served Cao Cao. He served tons of rulers before ending up with him)

**Jia Xu**: My lords, I suggest that you raise an army and reclaim what you lost! Wang Yun must pay for his treachery!

**Li Jue**: Everyone agrees with this?

**Everyone**: YES! KILL WANG YUN! KILL LU BU!

They did like Jia Xu told them to. At first, Wang Yun sent some of his followers to drive back the rebels but, they were defeated and some of them joined Li Jue and Guo Si's forces. When they entered Chang'an, they said they would leave if they could take Wang Yun's head. Wang Yun, worried for the emperor's safety and for the people of Chang'an, then surrendered to Li Jue and Guo Si. He was executed in the city center along most of his family, except for Diaochan. She at the moment, was with Lu Bu, who failed to break the siege the rebels did in Chang'an and fled from the capital. She wept bitterly for her adopted father.

After Li Jue and Guo Si consolidated their power in the Imperial Court, they bullied and intimated the emperor to make him grant them high titles and rewards. They made him suffer even more that when Dong Zhuo was alive. They made people go up and down in ranks whenever they wanted. They were just as cruel as Dong Zhuo was. When they finished doing what they wanted, they buried Dong Zhuo. However, all the times they were going to bury him, they failed. Thunder strucked Dong Zhuo's coffin and water carried it away each time they tried doing it. Such was the heavens hatred for Dong Zhuo's actions.

**Li Jue**: WELL THIS IS LIFE! Never have I been happier in my life!

**Guo Si**: We have money, women and everything we want!

Meanwhile Lu Bu, who had been wandering the land among some followers, went on to serve Yuan Shao. But soon he leaved him because they didn't like each other. When they stopped at a resting place, a letter arrived to him.

**Messenger**: Lord Lu Bu, this is a letter from Cheng Gong of Cao Cao's forces.

Lu Bu read the letter.

"Lord Lu Bu, I am Cheng Gong, one of Cao Cao's strategists. He recently took over Yan Province and I'm inviting you to invade it by stealth because he is now in battle with Tao Qian in Xu Province. I wish you luck."

**Lu Bu**: Humphh... This sounds interesting...

**End of Chapter 10**

**Sorry, I know this is a short chapter... But I tried the best I could to make it big... There isn't too much information of this.**

**However, Next Chapters are going to be GOOD! Chapter 11 will be the Battle of Xu Province. Chapter 12 will be the Battle of Yan Province or commonly known as Puyang. Chapter 13 will be a side story about how Cao Cao conquered Yan Province**


	11. Chapter 11

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 11: Cao Cao's Invasion of Xu Province**

Cao Cao was enraged. He had never been so mad in his life. He was now attacking Xu Province, governed by Tao Qian. But, how was a benevolent and peaceful man like Tao Qian in war with Cao Cao? We will go back in time!

**A.D 193- Xu Province**

Cao Cao's family was traveling back to Qiao, their hometown, after visiting Cao Cao's new land, Yan Province. To go there, they had to pass Xu Province. When they arrived at Xu Province, they were received warmly by Tao Qian. Then, the day when they had to leave arrived. Tao Qian sent his general Zhang Kai to escort Cao Cao's family back to their hometown. But Zhang Kai saw that Cao Song, Cao Cao's father, was very rich so he decided to kill him and all the people who accompanied him. He then fled to a local city. When Cao Cao heard of this he was very mad and left 30,000 troops in Yan Province meanwhile all his other troops advanced to Xu Province. The only thing he thought of was Vengeance.

**Cao Cao**: I WILL KILL THAT OLD, USELESS MAN! How dare he double-cross me?

**Xiahou Dun**: Please, Cousin you have to calm down! We know that you are mad because Tao Qian murdered your family, but please...

Meanwhile Dian Wei and Xu Zhu arrived. They were Cao Cao's bodyguards and were very close to him. They were also very good friends.

**Dian Wei**: My lord! We have finished scouting the enemy! They appear to be in fear for the massive size of our army! The citizens are locked up in their houses!

**Xu Zhu**: If they don't go out and eat something, they will have trouble! Right, Dian Wei?

**Dian Wei**: E-err... Yes Xu Zhu!

**Cao Cao**: So you are all ready?

**Everyone**: Yes we are, Lord Cao Cao!

**Cao Cao**: ALRIGHT, ADVANCE! DO NOT LET A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE!

Returning to the Present time...

In his First Invation, Cao Cao completely destroyed Tao Qian's forces. Tao Qian tried to negotiate peace with Cao Cao but no matter what, he couldn't. Cao Cao dealt Tao Qian's army a casualty of over 10,000 men and slaughtered like 100,000 civilians. The Si River was overflowed with the dead bodies of innocent people, massacred by Cao Cao's men.

**Cao Cao**: Mwhahahaha... Tao Qian, you old man... Feel my wrath!

**Cao Ren**: Lord Xiahou Yuan, do you think he is okay?

**Xiahou Yuan**: Right now, the only thing he thinks of is vengeance! I fear that he will be like that for some time...

Cao Cao then had to retreat from his campaign on Xu Province, because he didn't had sufficient supplies. Tao Qian then asked for help from Gongsun Zan and Tian Kai, who sent Liu Bei and his brothers to assist him. In the end of the first invasion, Cao Cao had killed 10,000 soldiers, 100,000 civilians and had captured 10 cities of Xu Province. When he recovered and had enough supplies, he started the second invasion. Meanwhile, Tao Qian had fled to a city which Cao Cao didn't capture. He received Liu Bei warmly and appointed him as Inspector of Yu Province, which made Liu Bei switch his allegiance to Tao Qian.

Meanwhile at Cao Cao's camp...

**Cao Cao**: This is the end for you and all those who follow you, Tao Qian! You shall pay for my father's death!

**Dian Wei**: Lord Xiahou, do you think he will stop this "vengeance prattle"?

**Xiahou Dun**: Yes, but only after he has conquered Xu Province and killed Tao Qian, I think...

**Dian Wei**: Ohh, yeah... You sure about that?

Meanwhile, Tao Qian had entrusted Liu Bei 4,000 men.

**Tao Qian**: Liu Bei, please! You have to stop Cao Cao or is the end of the line for the both of us!

**Liu Bei**: But we are outnumbered and we don't have enough supplies!

**Tao Qian**: Please, you need to have faith! I beg you!

**Liu Bei**: Alright, I will do what I can...

Then, the Second Invasion, began. Cao Cao captured 3 more cities and continue to slaughter the civilians, but they were less this time. Liu Bei managed to hold his own, but Cao Cao defeated him. He tried to make peace with Cao Cao but he couldn't. When Tao Qian and Liu Bei thought that it was the end, a miracle happened. A messenger arrived in Cao Cao's forces, with a letter from one of Cao Cao's strategists, Xun Yu

"Lord Cao Cao, please retreat! Lu Bu has conquered Yan Province while you were away! Chen Gong and Zhang Miao have rebelled! We are isolated and can't fight back! We need help at once!

**Cao Cao**: Damn you Chen Gong and Zhang Miao! You deceived me! Retreat back! My vengeance is finished. Reclaim Yan Province!

Thus, Tao Qian and Xu Province were saved. However, Tao Qian grew ill some time after that and he decided that Liu Bei should govern Xu Province instead. Liu Bei however, was very modest and rejected being the governor of Xu Province not once but 3 times. Tao Qian was dying of depression. Only when Liu Bei came to visit him at his home, he accepted being the governor of Xu Province. Tao Qian died peacefully after being granted his death wish. He died at the age of 62.

Liu Bei had gained the support of almost all the people in Xu Province, including the influential Mi and Chen clans. The head of the Mi clan, Mi Zhu, married his younger sister Lady Mi to Liu Bei. He sought to make peace with Cao Cao and forget the past battle.

**End of chapter 11**

**Hope you liked it! Next chapter as you can see, is the Battle of Yan Province or Puyang. After that is a side story of how Cao Cao conquered Yan Province and met Dian Wei and Xu Zhu.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 12: The Battle of Yan Province (Puyang)**

After Tao Qian died, Liu Bei was the new governor of Xu Province. He sought to make peace with Cao Cao and forget the past hostilities. Cao Cao had retreated back to Yan Province because his subordinates Chen Gong and Zhang Miao rebelled and helped Lu Bu take over the city. He lost almost 30,000 men when Lu Bu took over Yan Province, as they all surrendered to Lu Bu.

**Cao Cao**: Reclaim this land from the animal Lu Bu and kill the traitors! Do not let them alive!

**Xiahou Yuan**: See?! This is what happens when you let your guard down aroud Lu Bu! He will no doubt attack when he has the chance!

**Cao Cao**: For now, let us concentrate on defeating him, nothing less.

The two armies were fighting in a stalemate for 100 days, with no one of them gaining the advantage. Lu Bu had to abandon his position because a disease took over the troops

**Soldier**: My lord, there has been a massive outbreak of this disease! The men are pooping and trowing up a lot! They are going to die if we continue here!

**Lu Bu**: Humph.. Worthless illness... Retreat for now and go to Puyang! Those fools don't have any troops there! Puyang is mine!

Lu Bu then retreated to Puyang. Cao Cao ordered his army to siege the city. When Lu Bu stationed there, he ordered his cavalry to attack Cao Cao. The cavalry defeated most of Cao Cao's forces and they were thrown into confusion. To make use of the momentum, Lu Bu's forces initiated a fire attack. During the fire attack, Cao Cao fell from his horse and burnt the palm of his left hand.

**Cao Cao**: AGHHH DAMN! Lu Bu will pay for this! OUCH... I cannot hold my sword...

Just then, Dian Wei appeared with some troops to rescue Cao Cao.

**Dian Wei**: Don't worry my lord! We came to rescue you! WHOA, what happened in your hand?

**Cao Cao**: That animal Lu Bu initiated a fire attack and I fell from my horse and burned my hand! Aghh...

**Dian Wei**: Ohh.. Lord Xiahou Dun and the other have halted their advance because the haven't seen you my lord! Please retreat and regroup our forces!

Meanwhile, Lu Bu made Zhang Miao retreat his family for their safety, but that was a bad move... Cao Cao laid siege to the city they where and killed Zhang Miao's brother and his family.

**Cao Cao**: THIS is what happens if you betray me and get in my way, Zhang Miao Mwhahahahaha!

Zhang Miao freaked out when he heard that Cao Cao had killed almost his entire family. He sought help from Yuan Shu but before the reinforcements arrived, his subordinates killed him. Lu Bu's troops still had the disease. And, they didn't had supplies. They even ate Horse food and when they didn't have more horse food, they had to resort to cannibalism. Lu Bu's troops were demoralized.

**Lu Bu**: Diaochan, what horse food is the best? I like the brown ones that look like meatbuns... They are tasty...

**Diaochan**: Lord Lu Bu, we can't continue eating soldiers and horse food! Anyway, I like the pink ones, they are sweet and tasty too...

**Lu Bu**: Red Hare, what is your favorite horse food?

**Red Hare**: IEEEEEHHHHH Frahhhh... (The Red Ones are my favorite)

**Lu Bu**: Hehehe those aren't bad either... Chen Gong, which one is your favorite?

**Chen Gong**: I errr I like the Purple ones

**Lu Bu**: I don't like them, but if those are your favorites, then so be it.

Meanwhile, Zhang Liao arrived in Puyang after scouting. He was one of Lu Bu's best generals, second to Lu Bu in strength, but way more intelligent than Lu Bu.

**Zhang Liao**: Lord Lu Bu! The Tian clan have opened the city gates! They have switched allegiance to Cao Cao! Cao Cao's army is going to siege the city again!

**Lu Bu**: Humph... Worthless noble family... I have an idea... Bring me some horsemen!

Cao Cao entered the city of Puyang and set the city gates in fire. Lu Bu anticipated this and his horsemen captured Cao Cao. However, Lu Bu and his men didn't know how Cao Cao looked like.

**Lu Bu**: Hey you! Tell us where Cao Cao is and we will free you!

A soldier from Cao Cao's army then passed by with a horse that resembled the one Cao Cao used.

**Cao Cao**: That man over there is him! That's his horse and the one riding it is him!

**Lu Bu**: Thank you! AFTER HIM!

Cao Cao was freed after he said who the soldier was.

**Cao Cao**: Mwhahahahaha! I swear that even a horse is smarter than Lu Bu! He doesn't even now who I am!

Cao Cao then left. Lu Bu didn't knew he was tricked until Chen Gong told him so.

**Lu Bu**: I have claimed Cao Cao's head! Hahahahahaha

**Chen Gong**: My lord! That man isn't Cao Cao! He's just a mere soldier! Cao Cao is tall, has a goatee and a mustache and isn't fat!

**Lu Bu**: OH SNAP! That description is the same as the guy who told me that this soldier was Cao Cao!

**Chen Gong**: I fear you were fooled, my lord...

**Lu Bu**: NOOOOOOOOOO! Arghh retreat! We can take this worthless province anytime we want!

After a year, Cao Cao recovered all of his cities in Yan Province and made Lu Bu flee to seek shelter under Liu Bei in Xu Province.

However, there where some people that didn't like to live in the same land as Lu Bu.

**Zhang Fei**: We can't let an animal like that join us!

**Liu Bei**: Lu Bu is a man without a home, we cannot simply turn our backs on him.

**Zhang Fei**: Humph... Your kindness will get you killed...!

Of all the people that oposed Lu Bu in Xu Province, Zhang Fei was the one that hated him the most. Guan Yu and Liu Bei's wives remained neutral and Liu Bei enjoyed being around Lu Bu. Lu Bu treated Liu Bei like a "Little Brother'' and, this infuriated Zhang Fei.

**End of Chapter 12**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Next chapter is a side story that tells how Cao Cao conquered Yan Province. After that will be the Imperial Rescue. **


	13. Chapter 13 - Side Story 1

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Ryujin Mei: Yeah, I felt that those chapters were not funny too... However, I felt that chapter 12 was a lot of fun! I also have something to say to you and all the readers! ME... APOLOGIZE... NEXT CHAPTER... FUNNY...! **

**Chapter 13: Side Story #1 (How Cao Cao conquered Yan Province)**

Well, a Side Story is basically a part of a certain chapter that I skipped because I had better ideas for it. There are going to be 28 side stories.

**1- **How Cao Cao conquered Yan Province

**2-** Sun Quan saved by Zhou Tai

**3- **Lu Bu's final moments

**4- **Liu Bei meets Sun Shangxiang at the Battle against Yuan Shu

**5-** Ling Tong's vengeance

**6- **Zhuge Liang fools Zhou Yu Three times

**7- **Liu Bei and Sun Shangxiang get married

**8- **How Sun Shangxiang lived in Jing Province

**9- **Ma Chao flees after losing to Cao Cao

**10- **Liu Bei gains the support of the people of Yi

**11-** Gan Ning saves Ling Tong from certain death

**12-** How Huang Zhong planned to kill Xiahou Yuan

**13- **Guan Yu gets healed by Hua Tuo

**14- **Playing with the Head of Guan Yu

**15- **Lu Xun at the Stone Sentinel Maze

**16- **How Meng Huo surrendered to Zhuge Liang

**17- **Jiang Wei surrenders to Zhuge Liang

**18- **Zhuge Liang executes Ma Su

**19- **Cao Xiu flees after being defeated by Lu Xun

**20- **Zhang Bao's death at Chencang

**21- **The Death of Zhang He

**22- **Zhuge Liang's final moments

**23- **Sima Yi executes Cao Shuang

**24- **Chaos at Dongxing

**25- **Wen Yang almost kills Sima Shi

**26- **Zhuge Dan's final moments

**27- **The Sorrow of Shu and Jiang Wei's final attempt to destroy Wei (aka Zhong Hui's rebellion.)

**28- **The Land United

All of them are going to be interesting and funny, I assure you!

**Getting to the story...**

**A.D 192- Outside Yan Province**

Xiahou Dun was out, but no one knew what he was doing. Meanwhile, Cao Cao, Cao Ren and Xiahou Yuan were discussing battle plans, when Xiahou Dun arrived with someone new.

**Cao Ren**: Our enemy are Yellow Turbans... Their leader lost his life some years ago but, this isn't enough to stop them. Even if they are Yellow Turbans, their numbers are high and must not be understimated.

**Cao Cao**: I understand... Interesting...

**Xiahou Yuan**: That is a good strategy, isn't it my lord?

**Cao Cao**: Indeed...

Xiahou Yuan then heard some people coming in. He heard steps that seemed from a big person. He was preparing his bow when he noticed Xiahou Dun along with a bald, strong man.

**Xiahou Dun**: Calm down Yuan it's me! Lower your weapon!

**Xiahou Yuan**: Alright. Hey WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY?

**Bald Man**: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

**Xiahou Yuan**: I asked first! Answer! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

**Xiahou Dun**: Damn! Calm down! I was hunting tigers, but I found something better! My lord, He'll make a good bodyguard!

**Cao Cao**: Excellent... He's hired. How do they call you?

**Bald Man**: Wh-What? Won't you enterview me or something? My name is Dian Wei! I lived around here along the villagers until I found Lord Xiahou Dun.

**Cao Cao**: Of course... You come with the highest of recommendations.

Cao Cao then leaved to preparate for the upcoming battle. Dian Wei looked ashamed.

**Dian Wei**: So that's your commander?

**Xiahou Yuan**: Yup... You better get used to him! I'm expecting big things from you, new recruit! Protecting our lord is not an easy task!

**Xiahou Dun**: Yes, he is right, Dian Wei. I trust that you will keep our lord Cao Cao safe!

Then a messenger arrived, with a message to all the troops.

**Messenger**: A giant is wreaking havoc in the village! Do not approach him!

**Cao Cao**: Understood. Come everyone, we will quell this rebellion and gain a land for ourselves! Dian Wei! I am looking forward to see what you can do!

**Dian Wei**: Y-yes general err I mean My Lord!

Then, the battle started. The main force of Cao Cao acted as the bait for the Yellow Turbans. Meanwhile, Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan would lead a surprise attack when the main force succeded in their plan. But, something happened. The Yellow Turbans surrounded Cao Cao's main force and there was no way out. Dian Wei prepared to show his skill to Cao Cao.

**Dian Wei**: My lord, retreat! This could take a while...

After slaying dozens of Yellow Turbans in less than 2 minutes, Cao Cao was very impressed.

**Dian Wei**: Alright, who's next in line?

**Cao Cao**: Xiahou Dun has an eye for people with talent I see... Dian Wei, you are like the mighty warriors of old times.

**Dian Wei**: My lord hehehehe... You flatter me... I do not deserve such praise from you...

**Cao Cao**: Come, Dian Wei. We have to finish this!

Dian Wei continued to protect Cao Cao with all he had. He was very powerful and no one could stop him, until they came across one very fat man who looked like he could match Dian Wei. Even though he was fat, he was very strong.

**Man**: Are you the one who's been messing our crops?! You will pay for that!

He then picked a huge boulder and hurled it at Dian Wei.

**Dian Wei**: OH DAMN! Imagine if I didn't dodge that thing! So you are the strongest around here eh? Let's see if you can match me! For my lord, I will not falter!

**Man**: Wow... Your pretty strong too... I have to hustle!

They fought with none of them gaining the advantage until Cao Cao arrived, with his horse, Storm Runner.

**Dian Wei**: My lord, you shouldn't be here! The could kill you!

**Cao Cao**: With a man like you protecting me, I can afford the odd adventure! Hahahahaha (Puts on maniacal laughter and face)

**Dian Wei**: My lord...

Then some Yellow Turbans generals and soldiers arrived to protect the man

**Cao Cao**: For what is it that you fight? For your fallen leader? Or to destroy the Han?

**Soldier 1**: For our village, to protect it!

**Soldier 2**: For our families and friends!

**Soldier 3**: To survive in this chaotic land of war! You would not understand!

**Cao Cao**: And you my friend, you fight to protect your crops and fields, don't you?

**Man**: Yeah, If we don't have any crops, the people and the land will be starved! We cannot let this happen! This is no good...

**Cao Cao**: Then you all shall join me! I will give you all the things that you desire! And put you in the place that you deserve! Your fields and crops will all grow well!

**Man**: What do you say guys? Shall we surrender to him?

**Yellow Turbans**: YES

**Man**: Ok everyone... From now on, we fight with this guys to bring peace and to make every man feed himself! Lord Cow Cow, my name is Xu Zhu!

**Cao Cao**: It's Tsao Tsao, not Cow Cow, please... Xu Zhu

**Xu Zhu**: OH! Forgive me my lord!

**Dian Wei**: Yeah, whatever

**Xu Zhu**: HEY! We haven't finished our fight yet! Next time, I'll put you on a bowl of rice!

**Dian Wei**: Alright, Xu Zhu! I'm waiting for you!

Thus, Cao Cao conquered Yan Province and was named its ruler. Many historians feel that this was Cao Cao's first move in his path of conquest. All of the former Yellow Turbans surrendered to him. He gained like 100,000 Yellow Turbans troops. They were nicknamed the Qingzhou troops for their courage and fighting ability.

Meanwhile, time passed slowly and Cao Cao's men were overjoyed with his kindness to them.

**Xu Zhu**: Lord Cao Cao has given me and the men of Yan Province some fields to tend! Dian Wei, you wanna learn how to do it?

**Dian Wei**: Sure, but err later Xu Zhu... I'm tired you know! Our lord has been very kind to all people, from peasants to nobles!

**Xiahou Dun**: Humph... That's true... He has been very kind to all people recently...

**Cao Ren**: Yes, perhaps he is very happy with his recent conquest of the province. I hope this peace lasts long.

**Xiahou Dun**: Yes... Dian Wei, you know him better than all of us recently...

**Dian Wei**: I-I err

**Xu Zhu** made signs to Dian Wei to accompany him.

**Dian Wei**: Xu Zhu, maybe later hehehe...

**Xiahou Yuan**: Come on, man! Take heart! Let's go and start plowing!

**Dian Wei**: But I-err I have to go to the bathroom...

Xiahou Yuan then grabed Dian Wei by his armor and all three of them started to ridiculize themselves by plowing. Xiahou Dun and Cao Ren were laughing a lot by watching them.

**End of Side Story 1**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Next Chapter is the Imperial Rescue and after that, is Lu Bu's betrayal of Liu Bei.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 14- Imperial Rescue and Downfall of Li Jue and Guo Si**

After Li Jue and Guo Si reclaimed Dong Zhuo's place in the Imperial Court, they held Emperor Xian hostage. However, the long friendship of Li Jue and Guo Si came to an end due to rumors and fear in the troops. The first incident happened when Fan Chou didn't follow orders. Li Jue executed him in a banquet.

**Li Jue**: Comrades! Good Job! We have defeated the enemy and I will reward each one of you! Fan Chou will be getting the best present!

**Fan Chou**: My lord, thank you!

He then saw a sword in the box that contained the present.

**Li Jue**: KILL HIM!

He was executed. Many people in the banquet began to be suspicious of Li Jue.

**Li Jue**: This is what happens when you get in my way! Anyone who wishes to be like this, just tell me!

After that, another incident happened. This one was the worst of them all. A court official told Guo Si's wife that Guo Si was having an affair with Li Jue's wife. Li Jue wanted to kill him for that. She was very jealous and instantly rebuked her husband. He explained his wife that it surely is a plan to separate him from Li Jue but, his wife showed him some poisoned food that Li Jue sent him. Guo Si gave it to the dog he had and, the dog died. He instantly declared war on Li Jue.

**Li Jue**: Don't be so rash fool! Do you believe all the things that your wench tells you!?

**Guo Si**: SHUT UP IDIOT! I DON'T HAVE AN AFAIR WITH YOUR B**CH! You wanted to kill me! I will kill you for that!

**Li Jue**: Dammit you bastard! I did not send you that stupid food! ENOUGH If you want to fight, then let's fight!

The two of them fought each day. Chang'an was in a state of utter chaos. Even the emperor's royal tent was burned in the conflict. They continued to fight for more than a year. Li Jue's strategist Jia Xu convinced him to make peace with Guo Si and cease the fire.

**Li Jue**: My friend, Forgive me... Waahhhh sniff sniff

**Guo Si**: No, you forgive me Waahhhh... I was the one who believed in the rumor first...

Then a messenger arrived, with something very important to say.

**Messenger**: My lords! The emperor has escaped to Luoyang and Yang Feng and Dong Cheng have betrayed us! They are colluding with Cao Cao of Yan Province!

**Li Jue and Guo Si**: Wut? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**Li Jue**: Send 5,000 men to give chase! Capture the emperor dead or alive!

Meanwhile at Yang Feng's camp, hostilities began to grow between Yang Feng and Dong Cheng. They began to battle each other, with Yang Feng victorious each time. Dong Cheng then summoned Cao Cao. Cao Cao took advantage of this and stole the emperor from them.

**Yang Feng**: That imbecile Dong Cheng! How dare he understimate me! I won't leave any of his men alive!

Then his subordinate, Xu Huang (Yeah the same one from Wei) arrived.

**Xu Huang**: My lord, please surrender to Cao Cao! He will grant us high ranks and rewards!

**Yang Feng**: NEVER! I won't surrender to that scoundrel! He and Dong Cheng can do whatever they want! I DON'T CARE!

**Xu Huang**: I'm afraid I don't think the same way as you, my lord. Farewell.

Xu Huang then surrendered to Cao Cao. He was highly rewarded. Yang Feng on the other hand, was captured and executed by Cao Cao. He then convinced the emperor to move the capital to Xuchang, in Yan Province. The emperor agreed and they began their march.

**Cao Cao**: Kill any that stands in our path! We must keep the Emperor safe!

They encountered the forces of Li Jue and Guo Si. They succesfully drove them back. In preparation for the next battle, Guo Si was betrayed and killed by his subordinates. Cao Cao then arrived at Xuchang. However, it seemed as the Emperor didn't trust him.

**Cao Cao**: Welcome, your highness. I know what you are thinking... You think that I am like Dong Zhuo and his succesors. Let me say this, I don't look like a pig, and I will not use you.

**Emperor Xian**: Am I not wrong? You have ambition after all, although you don't look like a pig... Hehehehe... You just plan to use me to fulfill your ambitions...

**Cao Cao**: Hahahaha you are right, your highness. I am a ambitious man. MY AMBITION CANNOT BE STOPPED! But don't take it wrong, your highness. I will need you to fulfill my ambitions.

**Emperor Xian**: Yes, of course... My empire is ruined. I think that following you will be the smarter course of action.

After that, Cao Cao led his troops to attack Li Jue and his remaining followers. They were all killed or they surrendered. There was no one who was in fear of Cao Cao except for Yuan Shao, who was at the moment the most powerful ruler of the land. Cao Cao gave Yuan Shao a high ranking title in the court but, Yuan Shao thought that it was an insult to him. Cao Cao resolved the conflict but this was the main problem that made their friendship end.

**Yuan Shao**: YOU DARE INSULT A NOBLEMAN LIKE MEEE!

**Cao Cao**: I'm sorry my friend, I didn't think that you will be offended by that...!

**Yuan Shao**: SILENCE PEASANT! I DON'T CONSIDER YOU MY FRIEND NOW

**Cao Cao**: FINE! If that is what you wish then... Go to hell!

Cao Cao then leaved Yuan Shao's territory. The events here were the main causes for the Battle of Guandu in A.D 200. Cao Cao was surprised when he saw Liu Bei in Xuchang.

**Cao Cao**: What brings you here Liu Bei?

**Liu Bei**: Lu Bu stole my lands while I was fighting with Yuan Shu. I don't have a place to call home now... Please Lord Cao Cao, may I stay here?

**Cao Cao**: Of course! There is no problem with that

**End of Chapter 14**

**What Lu Bu did will be explained next chapter and after that, is the Battle of Wu Territory or Wujun and after that is Wan Castle**


	15. Chapter 15

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Three Kingdoms.  
**

**EDIT: I am back, I will be writing next chapters in a PC. Expect more quality in the chapters. Also, chapters will be uploaded faster! Have any of you played Romance of the Three Kingdoms 11? It's an extremely hard game for me…**

**Chapter 15: Lu Bu takes over Xu Province**

After the fall of Li Jue and Guo Si's regime, Cao Cao was the new "Protector of the emperor". He made sure all things were according to his plans and was less cruel than Li Jue and Guo Si. Meanwhile in Xu Province, a letter arrived from Yuan Shu arrived to Liu Bei.

"Surrender now or I will take away Xu Province from you. Think wisely, Liu Bei…"

**Liu Bei: **What should we do?

**Zhang Fei: **We should fight them brother! You aren't going to surrender to that noblehead!

**Guan Yu: **Zhang Fei is right, Brother. We cannot let Xu Province fall in the hands of Yuan Shu!

**Liu Bei: **Alright, we will fight! Zhang Fei, I leave you in charge of Xu Province. Are you going to get drunk?

**Zhang Fei: **NO I'M NOT GETTING DRUNK! Xu Province is safe in my hands!

**Liu Bei and Guan Yu: **Really?

**Zhang Fei: **I'M NOT GETTING DRUNK DAMNIT! I swear it!

**Liu Bei: **Fine, then. It is in your hands. Guan Yu, we're leaving. Make the necessary preparations.

**Guan Yu: **Yes, Brother. I have to talk with Zhang Fei about something. Please wait for me

**Liu Bei: **Ok…

Liu Bei then left to make preparations and prepare the men for the upcoming battle.

**Zhang Fei: **What do you want?

**Guan Yu: **Be wary of Lu Bu. If you get drunk or lower your guard, he will surely attack. He is the type of person that is not content serving another. Also, I have heard rumors that he wants to kill our Brother. Just be careful and, DON'T GET DRUNK!

**Zhang Fei: **I PROMISE I WON'T GET DRUNK! And he is not a match for me! I'm stronger than him!

**Guan Yu: **Don't underestimate him! You know he is an animal. I shall take my leave. Goodbye

**Zhang Fei: **Goodbye Brother! (What is this nonsense…. I won't get drunk…)

After that, several days passed. One day, Zhang Fei decided to hold a banquet. He kept his promise to his brothers, until a soldier convinced him to drink.

**Soldier: **General, come on! Drink some wine!

**Zhang Fei: **No! I promised my brothers that I would not drink!

**Soldier:** Well, then. I suppose I will have to drink this freshly poured wine by myself… Goodbye.

**Zhang Fei: **(Can't resist it…. Gotta drink…. Urghh… Forgive me, Brothers…) Hey you! Give me some wine! Let's get the party started!

**Everybody: **YEAH!

Zhang Fei became so drunk that he was intoxicated and was throwing up occasionally. Suddenly, the inspector of Xu Province, Cao Bao, arrived at the party. He was surprised because Zhang Fei broke his promise to his brothers.

**Cao Bao:** General, what is the meaning of this? You promised your brothers you would not drink!

**Zhang Fei: **Don't be such a worrywart! Come on and enjoy the party!

**Cao Bao: **I cannot enjoy the party while our Xu Province is in danger! Lu Bu could attack in any moment!

**Zhang Fei: **That is none of your business! If you say one more thing, I swear that I…

**Cao Bao: **But…

**Zhang Fei:** Take him out! Beat him to death!

**Cao Bao: **Noooo! Xu Province is doomed! Lu Bu will steal it from all of you!

**Zhang Fei: **Humph… I am not afraid of Lu Bu

Cao Bao was killed after an intense quarrel with Zhang Fei. At the same time, Lu Bu was planning on attacking Zhang Fei.

**Lu Bu: **Humph… That drunkard Zhang Fei is doomed! Xu Province is MINE!

**Diaochan: **Lord Lu Bu, have you thought about the future?

**Lu Bu: **Of course, you know I want to have babies with you ;)

**Diaochan: **E-errr that's not what I meant… I was thinking about the problem you could cause if you conquer Xu Province

**Lu Bu: **What do you mean, Diaochan?

**Diaochan:** What if Liu Bei sought shelter with a powerful enemy of yours like Cao Cao and attacked us?

**Lu Bu: **Well… I…

**Diaochan: **Anyway, just do whatever you think is the best course of action.

**Lu Bu: **I will attack Zhang Fei! He won't resist my might!

The next day, Zhang Fei was still sleeping in his residence. He was then waked up by a messenger.

**Messenger: **Lord Zhang Fei, please wake up! I have urgent news

**Zhang Fei: **DAMN! What a headache… I need to take some medicine… What do you want?

**Messenger: **Lu Bu has taken Xu Province! He is coming here!

**Zhang Fei: **WHAT? OH NOOOOO! I drank too much last night… I need to resist Lu Bu or my brothers will kill me…

After preparing the troops, Lu Bu arrived at Zhang Fei's residence. However, he had no plans to attack him.

**Zhang Fei: **I knew you would betray us, Lu Bu. I didn't like you anyway!

**Lu Bu: **You misunderstand me, my friend. I just captured Xu Province to restore order, because you were drunk.

**Zhang Fei: **Don't mess with me, you animal! I'm still waiting for a real challenge! You are no match for me! Even if I am at half strength and drunk!

**Lu Bu: **Humph… I suggest you quit talking and fight! You want some? Then come and get it! Your head will look good in the living room of my residence!

**Zhang Fei: **You little….

The two fought, with none of them gaining the advantage. Some officers intervened and they stopped fighting. Zhang Fei was exiled with his brothers to Xiao Pei. Lu Bu held Liu Bei's wives as hostages, but, he treated them like his family. After getting things ready at Xiao Pei, he went to where Liu Bei was. When Liu Bei saw Zhang Fei, he feared for the worst.

**Liu Bei: **Zhang Fei what are you doing here?

**Zhang Fei: **Well you see… Something bad happened…

**Liu Bei: **WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT HAPPENED!?

**Zhang Fei: **I was persuaded by my subordinates to drink and got seriously drunk. Taking advantage of the situation, Lu Bu stole Xu Province from me…

**Liu Bei: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Guan Yu: **WHAT? I TOLD YOU TO BE WARY OF LU BU DAMNIT!

**Zhang Fei: **Nothing can beat Wine brother… If you drink it, you can't stop…

**Guan Yu: **You stupid drunkard… Look what's happened now…

**Liu Bei: **Let's go to Lu Bu's residence. I know there is an explanation for this.

The three then went to Lu Bu's residence. Liu Bei and Guan Yu soon found out that the only reason that they lost Xu Province was Zhang Fei's little party.

**Liu Bei: **Lu Bu, why did you do this?

**Lu Bu: **Well, your brother Zhang Fei made a little party and there he got drunk like hell. He killed Cao Bao, the inspector of Xu Province in the party too because they had a little "quarrel". I stole Xu Province from him to restore order.

**Guan Yu: **ZHANG FEI! YOU DIDN'T TELL US THAT!

**Zhang Fei:** NO! HE'S LYING! THAT'S NOT TRUE!

**Lu Bu: **Yes it is!

**Zhang Fei: **No! It isn't true!

**Lu Bu:** YES IT IS

**Zhang Fei: **NO! U ARE A LIAR!

**Lu Bu: **DAMNIT IT IS TRUE!

**Zhang Fei: **YOU IDIOT! YOUR ARE A LIAR!

**Liu Bei: THAT** **IS ENOUGH! SHUT UP YOU TWO**

**Lu Bu and Zhang Fei: **Yes…

**Lu Bu: **Liu Bei, I have your wives here and I exiled you and your brothers to Xiao Pei. As an act of good faith, I will give you the position of Governor of Xu Province again.

**Liu Bei: **No thanks, keep it to yourself. Just give me my wives and I will live in Xiao Pei. (I'm free of Yuan Shu now mwhahahahahaha)

**Lu Bu: **Well if that is what you wish… I will do as you command.

A messenger arrived at that moment. It was news from Yuan Shu's army.

**Messenger: **I BRING NEWS! Ji Ling has called Lord Lu Bu and Liu Bei cowards and he is going to enter Xiapi Castle today!

**Lu Bu and Liu Bei: **WHAT! HOW DARE HE SPEAK LIKE THAT!

**Lu Bu: **I have an idea, trust in me. I will keep you safe from Ji Ling to prove Zhang Fei isn't right.

That day, Lu Bu held a banquet with Liu Bei and he invited Ji Ling. He had a plan that would not fail.

**Ji Ling: **Liu Bei, you coward! Have you come to meet your death? Does the baby need to come to Lu Bu?

**Liu Bei: **(Just hold on… Don't explode…)

**Lu Bu: **Forget the hostilities between you! Just relax… I will propose something…

**Ji Ling: **What do you want, you beast?

**Lu Bu: **I will put my Halberd at 500M from here. I will shoot an arrow. If it goes through the halberd, you Imbecile will have to retreat, or else I will kill you. If it doesn't, then you can fight to your heart's content. Do you agree?

**Liu Bei: **Yes

**Ji Ling: **Humph… Yes I agree.

The halberd was put into its place. The arrow Lu Bu shot went through the Halberd. Liu Bei was saved and Ji Ling had to remove his troops. After some months passed, Zhang Fei thought of a plan to take revenge of Lu Bu. He stole 250 horses from Lu Bu along with some food and of course, wine.

**Zhang Fei: **Wooo! Brother Liu Bei will be happy when he sees this! It is a perfect gift!

Zhang Fei then arrived at Xiao Pei with the things he stole from Lu Bu. However, Liu Bei was not happy when he saw them.

**Zhang Fei: **Hey there bro! Look what I found!

Liu Bei was chatting with Guan Yu and his wives Lady Gan and Mi. Although they were both married to him, they were good friends. When they saw what Zhang Fei brought, they were extremely happy.

**Liu Bei: **Where did you get all this horses and food?

**Zhang Fei: **Well you see… I "borrowed them" from Lu Bu. I thought it would be a nice gift

**Guan Yu: **YOU DID WHAT? ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN?

**Zhang Fei: **Maybe…

**Lady Gan: **Zhang Fei what have you done!?

**Lady Mi: **Zhang Fei YOU IDIOT WE ARE SCREWED! LU BU IS CERTAINLY GOING TO COME HERE!

**Zhang Fei: **Sorry sisters…

Lu Bu's army then arrived. Lu Bu accused Liu Bei of being a thief and a liar. Liu Bei and his people were forced to flee from Lu Bu.

**Liu Bei: **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

**Zhang Fei: **I suppose this is my entire fault isn't it…?

**Everyone: **What do you think?

**Liu Bei: **EVERYONE! RUN LIKE HELL!

They escaped from Lu Bu's grasp. Liu Bei then sought shelter with Cao Cao, who was in friendly relations with him.

Going back to the present…

**Cao Cao: **So you are here because Lu Bu betrayed you? I heard it was because Zhang Fei stole some horses from him and you were forced to run like hell...

**Liu Bei: **WHAT? Nonsense! Lu Bu betrayed us and that's it! Zhang Fei didn't take part in that!

**Cao Cao: **Right… Anyway, I have heard that Sun Jian's son Sun Ce has conquered the territory of Jiangdong. I look forward to working with him.

**Liu Bei: **What Sun Ce did in his conquest of the Wu territory will be explained next chapter.

**Cao Cao and Liu Bei: **Goodbye! Have a good day! We hope you read the next chapter!

**END OF CHAPTER 15**

**Next chapter will be the Battle of Wu Territory or Battle of Wujun. After that is Wan Castle and after that is Xia Pi.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Ryujin Mei: **Yeah… he died because he drank too much and punished his subordinates, so they killed him. It was his fault anyway. This chapter will be good too! I'm also planning to edit from chapters 1-15 to see if they had some errors or if they are missing some parts.

**Chapter 16: The Battle of Wu Territory or Wujun**

After Sun Jian's death, Sun Ce inherited his position as a subordinate of Yuan Shu. Determined to follow the dream of his father, he soon made a decision. He gave Yuan Shu the Imperial Seal in exchange of some troops. He then proceeded to attack Liu Yao, who invaded his father's lands and stole them from them. Sun Ce was making necessary preparations when his childhood friend and sworn brother Zhou Yu arrived. Sun Ce didn't have any land to call his own but, he had the support of his family and friends. With that inspiration, he set out with Zhou Yu to find a land worthy for him to rule.

**Sun Ce: **We're home, Father. I will make sure that your dreams will be a reality…

**Zhou Yu: **Sorry I'm late, Sun Ce.

**Sun Ce: **Zhou Yu! What are you doing here?

**Zhou Yu:** Well, I decided to help you! We need to prove our strength, to claim this land!

**Sun Ce: **Oh yeah I forgot… Now that you are here, things will be a little more interesting! It's time for you to leave, Liu Yao! We are going to claim this land WITH OUR OWN HANDS! I can't wait to get out there and make my name known through the land!

**Zhou Yu:** Well said, Sun Ce. Have you recruited the men we need?

**Sun Ce: **Yeah, I've recruited many men, including some former pirates (Zhou Tai) and the two Zhangs.

**Zhou Yu: **Our numbers are few, but our men trust in you. You mustn't let them down.

**Sun Ce: **I know… We will try to do our best.

Sun Ce's siblings, Sun Quan and Sun Shangxiang arrived after making the necessary preparations. This was Sun Shangxiang's first battle and Sun Ce didn't expect seeing her there, as a caring brother.

**Sun Quan: **Brother, we have finished making the necessary preparations. We are ready to march.

**Sun Ce: **Thanks Quan… Wait a moment…. SHANGXIANG WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE AT OUR HOME DOING WHAT A NORMAL WOMAN SHOULD BE DOING!

**Sun Shangxiang: **I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE SUN FAMILY! I want to be a warrior, not a little housewife!

**Sun Quan: **She said she wanted to fight so I brought her with me…

**Sun Ce: **OH NEVER MIND! Just don't get hurt out there, ok?

**Sun Shangxiang:** Yeah…

**Sun Ce: **Zhou Yu, do you have a plan?

**Zhou Yu: **Yes, I will attack the supply depot and the bases around the castle Liu Yao is in and affect their morale greatly. I will make their troops there surrender to us, to gain more men. Then, the rest is up to you.

**Sun Ce: **I understand. Quan, you and Zhou Tai will go with Zhou Yu. Shangxiang, Huang Gai and I will wait for Zhou Yu's plan to work.

**Sun Shangxiang: **I WANT TO KICK SOME MAJOR BUTT OUT THERE! WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT! I'm coming with you guys!

**Sun Ce: **Grrrr…. Go with them…

**Sun Shangxiang: **Thank you, brother!

**Meanwhile in Liu Yao's side…**

**Officer 1: **That Sun family brat thinks he is good enough to claim this land!? Pathetic…

A messenger arrived at that moment.

**Messenger: **I bring news! Sun Ce's forces are attacking the supply depot! We need assistance at once!

**Officer 2:** Accursed Sun family invaders! Lord Liu Yao, please send Taishi Ci there!

**Liu Yao: **No! He will wait here! If I order him to go, then go. But I didn't do that so he can't go out there!

Liu Yao then leaved. Many of his officers were criticizing him for not using Taishi Ci.

**Soldier 1: **Why Lord Liu Yao isn't making use of Taishi Ci?

**Soldier 2: **We are losing to much soldiers! We need Taishi Ci!

**Taishi Ci: **This battle cries in need of my might! Lord Liu Yao, it pains me to have to disobey you, but I have to do it.

Liu Yao then entered the room where the officers were. He was extremely mad

**Liu Yao: **Taishi Ci! YOU FOOL! I TOLD YOU TO WAIT HERE!

Meanwhile in Sun Ce's forces…

Zhou Yu had almost conquered the supply depot. He fooled the guards, and they let him in.

**Guard: **Our men are requesting supplies! Open the gates!

**Sun Shangxiang: **Fools! You have been deceived! Hahahahaha!

**Guard: **Stupid Sun girl! How could I been fooled! FU** YOU!

**Zhou Yu:** Hahahhahahahahaha this is child's play! Right, Princess?

**Sun Shangxiang: **Yeah! Hey where is Brother Quan?

**Zhou Yu: **He's not here? ZHOU TAI PLEASE GO AND RESCUE HIM! Surely the enemy ambushed him!

**Zhou Tai: **Understood.

As Zhou Yu foresaw, Sun Quan indeed fell in a trap by Yan Baihu, a pirate who was allied with Liu Yao. Sun Quan had no way out but, Zhou Tai sustained serious injuries to rescue him.

**Yan Baihu: **Are you ready to die, little wimp!?

**Sun Quan: **Urghh… I knew I had to stay with Zhou Yu… I can't capture this base alone…

Then, Zhou Tai arrived. He saved Sun Quan's hide for the first time. A friendly relation between them had just begun.

**Sun Quan: **ZHOU TAI! YOU'VE COME TO RESCUE ME?

**Zhou Tai:** Yes… I must clear a path… Urghh…

Zhou Tai saved Sun Quan, but sustained serious injuries in his body. He killed Yan Baihu and he retreated to the supply depot with Sun Quan.

**Zhou Yu:** Zhou Tai, you have our thanks. Were it not for you, Sun Quan would have lost his life there…

**Zhou Tai: **It was nothing.

**Zhou Yu: **Now that we have captured the supply depot and the bases, I have to notify Sun Ce. Sun Ce, it is in your hands now…

In Sun Ce's camp…

**Sun Ce: **Alright, is everyone ready? Let's go out there and kick some major butt! Father, watch over me! All troops, ADVANCE!

**Troops: **YEAH! LONG LIVE LORD SUN CE! LIU YAO IS DEAD!

But, when Sun Ce started to advance, he saw that a man was toying with his troops. It was Taishi Ci.

**Taishi Ci: **I am Taishi Ci, loyal warrior of Liu Yao! Who is the leader of this army? I request a duel with him!

**Sun Ce: **Well, that would be me. I'm Sun Ce.

**Taishi Ci: **Lord Sun Ce, I request a duel with you. Do you accept my challenge?

**Sun Ce: **Wait! Why don't you join me?

**Taishi Ci: **DO YOU EXPECT ME TO JOIN YOU WITHOUT A DECENT FIGHT! Well, isn't that unique!?

**Sun Ce: **Oh, so you wanna fight? No problem!

The two fought in a duel, without neither of them gaining the advantage. They had to stop, as the two grew tired eventually.

**Sun Ce: **Really, why don't you join me? Let's make a new world together, Taishi Ci!

**Taishi Ci: **A new world, you say… Let me think for a moment. I will give you my answer tomorrow.

Taishi Ci then returned to Liu Yao's camp. However, he was not received warmly by him.

**Liu Yao: **WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS TAISHI CI! Not only you fought with Sun Ce without achieving any results, but you were going to surrender to him! What's wrong with you?

**Taishi Ci:** Lord Liu Yao, I don't know what are you talking about! I just dueled with him and that's it! I don't plan to surrender! Why do you think I am here? I only fight for you, my lord.

**Liu Yao: **Humph… I shall believe you. But if you are lying, then I will execute you!

That same day, Taishi Ci searched for men who also wanted to surrender to Sun Ce and he united them. The next day, he went to Sun Ce's camp and formally surrendered. Zhou Yu's group was also there. They didn't trust Taishi Ci, as they thought he was there to duel with Sun Ce. However, they were surprised when he surrendered.

**Huang Gai: **My lord! There are enemy soldiers ahead! We must fight them!

**Sun Ce: **Nah, relax. It's just an old friend who surrendered.

**Huang Gai:** Oh… Sorry for my stupidity my lord!

**Taishi Ci:** Lord Sun Ce! As a man and, as a warrior, I must do what is right. I will surrender. I pledge my life to create a new world!

**Sun Ce: **Thanks, Taishi Ci! You will see now! We will make our dream a reality! Guys, what is Liu Yao?

**Everyone: **A COWARD AND A FOOL!

**Sun Ce: **I CAN'T HEAR YA!

**Everyone: **A COWARD AND A FOOL!

After Taishi Ci's surrender, Sun Ce pushed on and conquered all the castles in the area of Jiangdong. Many historians believe this was the start of the kingdom of Wu. Liu Yao was forced to flee and, he died from illness. His son later surrendered to Sun Ce. His men and the civilians of Jiang Dong made a name for him. It was ''The Little Conqueror''. He was even compared to Xiang Yu, who had overthrown the Qin Dynasty.

**Huang Gai: **You've done it my lord!

**Sun Ce: **Yes! Men, we've won!

**Zhou Yu: **Look at this, my lord. This is your land, and this are your men. You've accomplished many things, my lord.

**Sun Ce:** Thanks, Zhou Yu. If you didn't help me, I fear that I would have been uncapable of doing this.

**Zhou Yu:** It's nothing. Don't you have an speech to do?

**Sun Ce: **Yes, I forgot… Men! I am the head of the Sun Family, thanks for your efforts! We are standing proudly in Jiangdong, and we are its people!

**Troops: **YEAH!

**Sun Shangxiang: **Anyway, in next chapter, you will see the extent of Cao Cao's ambitions and love for women. It will cause him big trouble at Wan Castle!

**Zhou Yu:** The fires of hell shall engulf him! Goodbye! Hope you liked this chapter!

**Sun Ce: **Don't forget to read the next chapter! Have a good day!

**END OF CHAPTER 16**

**Next chapter will be the Battle of Wan Castle, it will be lots of fun, I assure you. After that is the Battle of Xia Pi. After that is the Side Story number 2, Lu Bu's final moments. I integrated the original Side Story number 2; Sun Quan is saved by Zhou Tai in this chapter to have less chapters and less confusion. I hope you read the next chapter! Goodbye!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**NOTE: Sorry for not updating in a long time! However, I updated from chapters 1-10 with new parts of the story that weren't there such as the Liu Bei/Zhao Yun thing in Hulao Gate and new quotes from DW8. **

**Chapter 17: Battle of Wan Castle**

Cao Cao, now with Liu Bei's help, decided to invade Jing Province. Dian Wei was the only general that was with him, because Cao Cao thought that Zhang Xiu of Wan Castle didn't have any other option than surrender, as he was weak. He also brought his son Cao Ang and his nephew Cao Anmin. After Cao Cao defeated Zhang Xiu, he was going to invade Jing. However, Cao Cao didn't know that he was going to be used in Jia Xu's strategies. First, Zhang Xiu feigned surrender to Cao Cao.

**Zhang Xiu:** Hmm… Cao Cao's army is as mighty as they say… This will be difficult…

**Jia Xu:** Take out the commander and the rest would fall but, with that warrior called Dian Wei by his side… There's not much that we can do…

**Zhang Xiu:** YOU! You would abandon me! But why?!

**Jia Xu:** Well, if it truly bothers you, you could always surrender...

**Zhang Xiu:** WHAT? Surrender?!

**Jia Xu:** Oh, yes. If you are going to surrender, make sure you do it humbly. But, I have a plan….

Zhang Xiu then surrendered to Cao Cao.

**Zhang Xiu:** I am very greatful that my surrender was accepted. I am very relieved, my lord! Everyone! Prepare a banquet for Lord Cao Cao!

**Cao Cao:** I am very greatful for your kindness. I will let you in charge of Wan Castle and will not demote you of any rank you have.

**Zhang Xiu:** Thank you, my lord! Your bodyguard can enter the banquet too!

**Dian Wei:** No, thanks. I will remain here to keep Lord Cao Cao safe.

**Zhang Xiu:** Well then, Lord Cao Cao. Shall we enter?

**Cao Cao:** Very well.

Suddenly, a messenger arrived to tell Zhang Xiu about some rumors he heard.

**Messenger:** Lord Zhang Xiu, I have a message for you.

**Zhang Xiu:** Is that so? Please Lord Cao Cao, wait a moment.

**Cao Cao:** Yes.

**Zhang Xiu:** What do you want?

**Messenger:** There have been rumors that Cao Cao took the widow of your recently deceased uncle as a concubine. He also was planning to kill you as he didn't think that your surrender was real.

**Zhang Xiu:** That little… How dare he insult me and my family! He will pay for that! Bring Jia Xu here! I need to discuss something with him.

**Messenger: **Understood.

Meanwhile in the banquet, Cao Cao was having fun with his new "concubine". He was extremely drunk.

**Cao Cao:** So what do you say would you like to play a little game hmmmm?

**Concubine:** Hehehehe….

Then, Zhang Xiu arrived. He talked with Jia Xu about using the ploy to end Cao Cao. They had prepared everything. It was the perfect plan. But, they didn't know how Dian Wei will thwart all of Jia Xu's ploys.

**Zhang Xiu:** Lord Cao Cao, are you enjoying yourself? Please, make yourself at home.

**Cao Cao:** Yes, I am enjoying myself a lot. I am very grateful for this banquet.

**Zhang Xiu:** As am I, my lord. I have to announce something very important.

**Cao Cao:** What is it?

**Zhang Xiu:** SET FIRE TO THE HALL! KILL CAO CAO! WE ARE REBELLING TODAY! DO NOT LET A SINGLE ONE OF HIS MEN ALIVE! ARCHERS, NOW!

**Cao Cao:** DAMN YOU ZHANG XIU! YOU DECEIVED ME! HOW DARE YOU?

Archers attacked Cao Cao but, his new concubine defended him and allowed him to escape.

**Cao Cao:** NOOO! My new concubine! Damn you, Zhang Xiu! You have ruined my collection of women! Now I only have 4! How could you! NOOOO!

Meanwhile, Dian Wei was sleeping when he noticed the smell of the fire. He then woke up and ran as fast as he could to where Cao Cao was.

**Dian Wei:** What the…?! The flames are too fierce!

**Soldier 1:** My lord! Please escape!

**Dian Wei: **No! Regroup the soldiers and send someone for help! I will rescue our lord!

Dian Wei then entered the place were Cao Cao was. He was isolated from the troops and was alone.

**Cao Cao: **Dian Wei! You are here! Let's escape together!

**Dian Wei:** Curse them and their trickery! I will forge a path for you, my lord! I will protect you no matter what!

**Cao Cao: **Very well, then. My life is in your hands, Dian Wei. If we don't escape now, I don't think they will let us go away from here. I am too drunk… I cannot run very fast…

**Dian Wei:** My lord…

Cao Cao and Dian Wei escaped until they came to an end. The walls were consumed by fire and there was no escape

**Dian Wei:** Don't worry my lord! I will open a path for you! These walls are nothing!

Dian Wei then broke the walls with his sheer strength.

**Cao Cao: **Dian Wei… I don't know if I would survive this without you… You have my thanks.

**Dian Wei:** Don't mention it, my lord! I will even sacrifice for your ambition!

Cao Cao and Dian Wei then continued escaping. They overcame numerous traps set by Jia Xu. Hordes of archers, sorcerers and fire traps. They escaped all of them safely until Jia Xu entered personally.

**Jia Xu:** Well, then… It's now our time to join the party!

Numerous archers and troops appeared. The archers managed to kill Cao Cao's horse, Storm Runner and hit Dian Wei in the back.

**Cao Cao:** AHHHH! My horse! Zhang Xiu, you will pay!

**Jia Xu:** Aim for the bodyguard! Do not let him alive!

Numerous arrows hit Dian Wei. However, he was still alive. He was unaffected by the arrows.

**Cao Cao:** DIAN WEI! You're hurt!

**Dian Wei:** This? (Removes all arrows from his body) This is nothing! I'm just glad to see you are safe, my lord… We must continue escaping…!

**Cao Cao:** You rash fool! You're too hurt to fight!

**Dian Wei: **Your path, my lord, must not be impeded by anything! Jia Xu! You will not lay a finger on my lord!

**Jia Xu:** Urgh… They are stronger than I expected… Fall back!

Suddenly, Cao Ang and Cao Anmin arrived to help Cao Cao. Cao Ang gave his horse to Cao Cao to escape safely. Cao Ang and Cao Anmin then held off the enemy but, both of them died. Jia Xu arrived to finish off Cao Cao for good.

**Jia Xu: **Lord Cao Cao, would you leave in the middle of our party?

**Cao Cao: **Jia Xu!

**Jia Xu:** Archers, attack! Aim for Cao Cao!

**Dian Wei:** My lord!

Dian Wei then protected Cao Cao again from the arrows! But, this was the last time he would do it.

**Jia Xu:** Hmph… His bodyguard may still be with him but, we can overcome two! Now! Steal his weapon!

**Dian Wei:** If I can't use my weapon, then I will use all of you!

Dian Wei used dead bodies as weapons. He had two in each hand. All of the people near him were frightened. Jia Xu then ordered the archers to shoot Cao Cao one more time.

**Jia Xu:** Aim for Cao Cao again!

Dian Wei then shielded Cao Cao again. This time, to die.

**Dian Wei:** Urgh… My lord, I have something to say to you, before I die…

**Cao Cao:** Yes, anything you want, Dian Wei.

**Dian Wei: **The first time I met you, I thought you were a little crazy, my lord. But when I saw how happy you made Xu Zhu, I understood… I knew I wanted to see the world you would create. AHHH! More Arrows!

**Cao Cao: **Dian Wei!

**Jia Xu:** WHAT? But… He has like 30 arrows in his body! Is he… Inhuman?! Fire again!

**Dian Wei:** NO ONE IS GETTING PAST ME! Lord Cao Cao, please escape!

**Cao Cao: **Forgive me, Dian Wei… Forgive me… I will make your dream a reality!

**Dian Wei:** Sorry, Xu Zhu… Maybe we'll tend your field together another time… Urgh… Goodbye…

Cao Cao then began escaping. However, Jia Xu ordered the troops to chase him. But, while escaping, he encountered the Xiahou Cousins, Xu Zhu and his new master strategist, Guo Jia.

**Xiahou Dun:** Cao Cao! Are you hurt? We have come with reinforcements!

**Cao Cao:** Yes, I am fine. But Dian Wei… He's…

**Xiahou Dun: **Oh… I get it…

**Xu Zhu: **Dian Wei wouldn't want us to mourn him… I'd say that helping Lord Cao Cao is the best we can do!

**Guo Jia:** Yes… Master Xu Zhu is right, my lord. We should attack Wan Castle and recover what we have lost.

**Xiahou Yuan:** My lord! We must get our revenge in this battle! Jia Xu will pay for his treachery!

**Cao Cao: **It's settled then. We will attack Wan Castle! Kill any in your path! Show no mercy! Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan will attack the east gate. Xu Zhu and Guo Jia will attack the west gate. Leave the front to me. All forces, advance!

**Everyone: **Yes, Lord Cao Cao!

**Xu Zhu:** You just wait! Those double-crossers will pay for what they did to Dian Wei!

**Guo Jia:** Master Xu Zhu! You must not rush to battle! We don't want to fall in Jia Xu's hands! We will make him play our game.

**Xiahou Dun:** Cao Cao, don't you feel anything?! Dian Wei is dead and you remain like if nothing has happened!

**Cao Cao: **We must remain calm. If emotions take control of ourselves, then we will lose.

Cao Cao then won the battle. He pardoned Zhang Xiu, as he was manipulated by Jia Xu. But, when he was face to face with Jia Xu, things were a little different.

**Jia Xu:** I have proven unworthy… Do it, I am ready to die. I am like 50 already; I have done a lot of things in life.

**Cao Cao:** I will not kill you.

**Xiahou Dun:** What?! You would show mercy to a man like this? Are you serious?!

**Cao Cao:** Not mercy. Jia Xu killed Dian Wei and drove me to the brink. His talents will bring my rule of the land closer.

**Jia Xu:** Hahahahahahaha! You are a wise man, my lor-

**Cao Cao: **I said no mercy. If I find that you are of no use to me, then I will kill you.

**Xiahou Dun:** Anyway, next chapter is the Battle of Xiapi! I will lose my eye!

**Cao Cao:** And eat it! Lu Bu will die!

**Jia Xu: **Have a good day! We hope you read the next chapter!

**Cao Cao: **I SAID NO MERCY! You can't talk in the end of the chapter!

**Jia Xu:** Ok…

**END OF CHAPTER 17**

**As you can see, next chapter is the Battle of Xiapi. After that is the side story #2 Lu Bu's final moments.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story**

**Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.**

**The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.**

**Chapter 18: The Siege of Xiapi**

After his defeat and counterattack at Wan Castle, Zhang Xiu surrendered, this time for real. Cao Cao then received a letter in an intimidating tone from Yuan Shao. After reading it, Cao Cao wanted to attack Yuan Shao as he was enraged but, Guo Jia advised him not to do so.

**Guo Jia:** Lord Cao Cao, you shouldn't attack Yuan Shao now. Lu Bu is still alive. He will surely ally with Yuan Shao to destroy you. Now that he is in battle with Gongsun Zan, you should destroy Lu Bu and eliminate a future threat to us.

**Cao Cao:** Hmm… Alright, I will do as you say. I will send Liu Bei along with Xiahou Dun to attack Lu Bu. If they fail, I will personally lead reinforcements.

Liu Bei and Xiahou Dun then attacked Xiao Pei, Liu Bei's old home. Lu Bu sent Gao Shun to attack Liu Bei and Xiahou Dun. Gao Shun dueled with Xiahou Dun but, he ended up losing. Gao Shun then retreated and Xiahou Dun pursued him. Then, Gao Shun's subordinate Cao Xing shot an arrow and it hit Xiahou Dun in the left eye.

**Xiahou Dun:** ARGHH…. MY EYE!

**Soldier 1:** General! Are you alright?

Xiahou Dun then swallowed the eyeball, which was in the arrow that Cao Xing shot.

**Xiahou Dun:** This is the essence of my father and the blood of my mother! I cannot waste it! I was caught in my strength and couldn't see the whole picture! Thanks, whoever you are! Now, you shall face my wrath!

**Cao Xing:** F-fall back! RETREAT!

Xiahou Dun then charged towards Cao Xing and killed him. He then impaled his face as vengeance for his eye. Soldiers from both sides were shocked by the scene in front of them.

**Soldier 2:** General…

**Xiahou Dun:** Don't you stand there! We have work to do! Advance! Don't fall behind Liu Bei's forces!

Although Xiahou Dun and Liu Bei's forces fought fiercely, they were not able to capture Xiao Pei and were forced to withdraw. After the incident, the soldiers nicknamed Xiahou Dun as the "Blind Xiahou". Every time he heard it he went mad. Every time he watched his reflection in a mirror, he would toss it and destroy it. Xiahou Dun and Liu Bei's report of defeat came to Cao Cao. He was not disappointed, but rather scared with Xiahou Dun's new look.

**Cao Cao: **So, Liu Bei, what happened?

**Liu Bei:** Our supplies did not last enough and an incident happened. It affected morale greatly…

**Cao Cao: **What do you mean, with incident?

Xiahou Dun then entered the hall were Cao Cao was.

**Guo Jia:** Master Xiahou Dun! What happened to you?!

**Xiahou Dun:** Don't worry, I am fine.

**Cao Cao: **Xiahou Dun what the hell happened?!

**Xiahou Dun: **We lost because our supplies didn't last…

**Cao Cao:** In your eye, you brash fool! I don't care about the battle! I can go there personally!

**Xiahou Dun:** Oh… Sorry, cousin. I was shot by a subordinate of Lu Bu, Cao Xing. Don't worry, I already killed him.

**Cao Cao:** Good…

Then, Xiahou Yuan entered the hall.

**Xiahou Yuan:** My lord! I bring urgent news! Yuan- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU, DUN?

**Xiahou Dun:** I was shot in my left eye by a subordinate of Lu Bu, Cao Xing. I already killed him, if you want to know.

**Xiahou Yuan:** Oh… That eyepatch gives you a unique look… right, my lord?

**Cao Cao:** Yes…

**Xiahou Yuan: **Anyway, Yuan Shu has declared himself emperor! The regional lords are breaking the alliance they have with him! I suggest we have to attack him! Actions like that are considered treachery by the emperor!

**Guo Jia: **I suggest we should attack him after we attack Lu Bu, Lord Cao Cao.

**Cao Cao:** Hmph… Yuan Shu only dreams of being emperor. I am sure he will not attack us now. Guo Jia, I will follow your plan.

**Guo Jia:** Yes, my lord.

**Cao Cao:** All other officers, prepare for battle! Tomorrow we will march to Xu Province.

The next day, Cao Cao began his move. He marched towards Xiao Pei and defeated Lu Bu's forces there. After that, he marched towards Xia Pi. Lu Bu's forces were scared and morale was very low.

Meanwhile, at Lu Bu's side, Zhang Liao finished scouting the enemy.

**Zhang Liao:** Their army… It is filled with officers of talent and valor… Lord Lu Bu! Do you think that we can defeat them?

**Lu Bu:** It doesn't matter. Their numbers make no difference. By opposing me, they are marching to their own SLAUGHTER!

**Zhang Liao:** Right… Lord Lu Bu…

**Diaochan:** We trust in you, Lord Lu Bu! We can win!

Then, a messenger arrived.

**Messenger:** I bring urgent news! Yuan Shu has declared himself emperor and sent a troop of bandits to attack us!

**Lu Bu:** Chen Gong! What should I do?

**Chen Gong: **Although Yuan Shu outnumbers us, his subordinates are not happy with him. We should make them turn against Yuan Shu and defeat them.

As Chen Gong planned, Lu Bu made the bandits join him. He rewarded them highly but, that didn't stop the bandits from their criminal behavior. The bandits were caught robbing civilians in one of Cao Cao's cities and Liu Bei caught them and executed them. Lu Bu and Yuan Shu made peace after that. Before Cao Cao started the siege, he sent Chen Gong for reinforcements. However, Yuan Shu made Chen Gong go with empty hands. Yuan Shu said that he will only give reinforcements if Lu Bu went personally. When Lu Bu heard this, he went mad.

Meanwhile in Cao Cao's forces…

Lu Bu sent one of his advisors, called Chen Deng, to intercept Cao Cao's forces but, he was caught.

**Cao Cao: **So, tell me, what kind of ruler Lu Bu is?

**Chen Deng: **He's bold but not very astute. He is also untrustworthy. He should be eliminated as soon as possible.

**Cao Cao:** That is unsurprising. He is an animal after all. Why don't you work for me as mole? I will reward you handsomely if you give me information.

**Chen Deng:** I will do it, then. Good luck, Lord Cao Cao.

Chen Deng then took his leave. Cao Cao was very pleased and, he was going to start the siege on Xia Pi the next day. However, someone magically appeared next to him when he was going to advance.

**Mysterious Man:** This is like two animals feeding on one another. What will you gain by attacking Lu Bu?

**Cao Cao:** Lu Bu is an animal with no sense or direction of loyalty. He must be eliminated. How dare you compare me to him?! Ask me questions that are worth my time.

**Mysterious Man:** Very well. What is it that you will do to rule the land?

**Cao Cao:** First, who are you? Second, That isn't of your own business!

**Mysterious Man:** I am… Zuo Ci… I hope we meet again, Lord Cao Cao…

**Cao Cao:** What was that?

**Xiahou Dun:** Cousin! Are you daydreaming?

**Cao Cao:** No… I am fine.

**Xiahou Dun:** I want to ask you a question. Why do we have to help Liu Bei?

**Cao Cao:** I know there is a dragon hiding behind his gentle manners and quick smile. When the dragon emerges, it will join its forces with mine. Or the dragon's fated to be destroyed.

**Xiahou Dun:** I'd find that very pleasant. Still, if they will fight Lu Bu for us, I must give them my thanks…

**Cao Cao: **Come now, Dun, is something wrong? You should be helping Yuan with the preparations!

**Xiahou Dun:** I don't like Guan Yu. He's not my type.

**Cao Cao:** What? But he is a nice guy! He's hard working, strong and a true warrior!

**Xiahou Dun:** See?! Even you praise him! I'm off to help Yuan. Goodbye.

The next day, Cao Cao marched for Xia Pi. Having conquered all of Xu Province, thanks to Chen Deng's information, Lu Bu's forces were holed up in Xia Pi Castle. Cao Cao then started the siege on Xia Pi Castle.

**Cao Cao:** A ravaging beast cannot rule the land! The beast Lu Bu must die! All units, forward! Make officers surrender and those who don't want to surrender, kill them!

The siege on Xia Pi at the time has lasted one month. Lu Bu didn't show any signs of surrender. However, Chen Deng and his Father Chen Gui surrendered to Cao Cao. Lu Bu went out of Xia Pi Castle to punish the traitors but was utterly defeated. Chen Gong advised Lu Bu to attack Cao Cao, as his troops were very exhausted after pressing on the siege. Lu Bu however, decided to stay in Xia Pi Castle and didn't agree with Chen Gong. But why was Lu Bu ignoring Chen Gong's advice? Lu Bu trusted his wife (not Diaochan) more than Chen Gong. She said that Chen Gong might betray Lu Bu, as he was treated very well when he was in Cao Cao's forces. Lu Bu decided to marry his daughter, Lu Lingqi to Yuan Shu's son, to get reinforcements. Zhang Liao was accompanying him. However, they did not know that Zhang Fei and Guan Yu were spying on them.

**Zhang Liao:** Lord Lu Bu… Do we really need to go out there personally? Can't we send another officer?

**Lu Bu:** Well… Yuan Shu is the "Emperor". We have to go there personally if we want to get reinforcements. Don't you remember what happened to Chen Gong when he went there?

**Zhang Liao:** Yes, Lord Lu Bu…

**Lu Lingqi:** I am ready, father.

**Lu Bu: **You promise me you will be a good girl?

**Lu Lingqi:** Yes, father. I will not disappoint you.

**Lu Bu:** Alright, then. Get into the carriage. I am sorry if this bothers you, but it is for the greater good… Zhang Liao! Let's get going!

**Zhang Liao:** Lord Lu Bu… I fear that we are not the only ones here.

**Lu Bu:** What do you mean?

Then suddenly, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei entered.

**Zhang Fei:** WHY YOU LITTLE… I FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH YOU!

**Lu Bu:** Liu Bei! How I hate you! AHHHHH!

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei destroyed the carriage where Lu Lingqi was. She was almost killed but Zhang Liao gave her his horse.

**Lu Bu:** My darling! NOOOOO!

**Zhang Liao: **My lady, escape!

**Lu Lingqi:** Thanks, Mr. Zhang Liao!

**Lu Bu:** ZHANG FEI! HOW DARE YOU!

**Zhang Fei:** I don't like you! Your face, the way you fight, NOTHING!

**Lu Bu:** I mistook you for a fox(because he stole his horses), but now I see that you are nothing but a noisy dog! You want some? Then come and get it!

Meanwhile, Guan Yu was trying to make Zhang Liao defect to Cao Cao.

**Guan Yu:** So you are Zhang Liao? Why do you serve Lu Bu? Why are you in service of such madness?

**Zhang Liao:** Why do you see Lu Bu only as violent? Behind his violent exterior, there is a hint of honor! And while he has honor, my loyalty shall not waver! If you fight me, and win, then I will be at your mercy. If you lose, then I shall serve Lu Bu the rest of my life!

**Guan Yu: **Very well, then.

The two of them fought equally. But, in the end, Guan Yu won. He then tied Zhang Liao and bringed him to Cao Cao's main camp.

**Zhang Liao:** You win… I am at your mercy…

**Guan Yu:** Do you really think that Lu Bu has honor? Look at that!

Both of them then looked to where Lu Bu and Zhang Fei were.

**Lu Bu:** Noisy Dog!

**Zhang Fei:** Bastard with 3 Surnames!

**Lu Bu:** NOISY DOG!

**Zhang Fei:** BASTARD WITH 3 SURNAMES!

**Lu Bu:** NOISY DOG!

**Zhang Fei:** BASTARD WITH 3 SURNAMES!

Going back to where Zhang Liao and Guan Yu where…

**Zhang Liao:** Well… I…

**Guan Yu:** Come with us! Lord Cao Cao will be happy with you!

**Zhang Liao:** If you say so…

**Guan Yu:** Zhang Fei! Let's go!

**Lu Bu:** NOISY DOG! NOISY DOG!

**Zhang Fei:** Bastard with 3 Surnames! Bastard with- Goodbye!

**Lu Bu:** Zhang Liao! NOOOO! HOW CAN YOU BE SO WEAK THAT YOU ARE ALREADY TIED!

**Zhang Liao:** Goodbye, Lord Lu Bu…

**Lu Bu: **Damn! Retreat!

After the incident with the carriage, Lu Bu's troops were demoralized. After continuing with the siege, Cao Cao's troops were even more exhausted. It was then that Guo Jia and Xun Yu came up with a plan to finish off Lu Bu once and for all.

**Xun Yu**: The River's current is stronger than ever thanks to the cold weather. We should take advantage of it.

**Guo Jia:** Hmm… Master Xun Yu, you are right… We should use the River's current and flood the castle. That would give us the advantage. We should tell Lord Cao Cao.

**Jia Xu:** Yes. We should tell him. Lu Bu's troops will be demoralized after the flood attack.

**Cao Cao:** You called for me? If you speak about Cao Cao, there he will appear.

**Guo Jia: **Hahahahaha. Lord Cao Cao, we were discussing about using a flood attack. We were just going to tell you about it. What do you think?

**Cao Cao:** Hmmm… Not a bad idea. It's settled then. We flood Xia Pi Castle. That should give us the advantage… Jia Xu! I will leave it to you. If you can do it, then you have my full trust. If you can't then it's NO MERCY for you.

**Jia Xu:** Hahahhahaha… You are a wise man, my lord.

**Cao Cao: **I leave the rest to you.

Cao Cao then leaved. Jia Xu's flood attack was a success. Lu Bu's troops were more demoralized than ever. Cao Cao then sent a letter to Lu Bu, explaining the perilous situation where he was. After the effects of the flood attack, and the letter of Cao Cao, Lu Bu was going to surrender. He was stopped by Chen Gong, who said they still had a chance, if all goes well. Meanwhile, one of Lu Bu's officers, Hou Cheng found 15 horses. When he returned with the horses, all the people congratulated him. He then prepared food and wine for Lu Bu but, Lu Bu ordered a ban on wine and when Hou Cheng presented him the wine, Lu Bu went mad.

**Hou Cheng:** My lord, cheer up! I bringed you some food and wine!

**Lu Bu:** WINE? I ORDERED A BAN ON WINE A WEEK AGO! You want to make me drunk and then betray me, huh? Execute him!

Then, two officers of Lu Bu, Song Xian and Wei Xu came to save Hou Cheng.

**Song Xian:** Lord Lu Bu, please spare him!

**Wei Xu:** My comrade here is right, Lord Lu Bu! Please spare him! He has done many achievements! Don't let a single incident get the best of you!

**Lu Bu:** Humph… Give him 40 lashes! If you disobey a rule, then you will pay!

**Hou Cheng: **Yes, Lord Lu Bu…

After someone gave Hou Cheng the 40 lashes, he became unhappy and afraid. He then plotted with Song Xian and Wei Xu to surrender to Cao Cao. They captured Chen Gong, Gao Shun, Lu Bu's halberd and Red Hare and presented all of them to Cao Cao. When Lu Bu heard of this, he went with his remaining men to the top of Xia Pi Castle. He told his remaining men to kill him and present his head to Cao Cao. However, they refused and Lu Bu surrendered. He was tied by Xiahou Dun and Zhang Fei. This was what happened the day of judgement.

**Cao Cao: **Bring the officers that surrendered and Lu Bu.

Lu Bu and the others arrived where Cao Cao and Liu Bei were. But just then, Xiahou Yuan arrived with a certain someone.

**Lu Bu: **LOOSEN THESE ROPES!

**Cao Cao:** Silence, you animal!

**Xiahou Dun: **Humph… They are just right for a wild animal…

**Lu Bu: **Grrrr….

**Xiahou Yuan:** My lord! Look what I've found! A sexy chick!

**Lu Bu:** DIAOCHAN! NOOOOOOO!

**Cao Cao:** Leave the girl right where she is. We will play a little game to see which of us gets her. Like a roulette.

**Lu Bu:** CAO CAO! DAMN YOU! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

**Cao Cao:** SILENCE! Now, for the fun part, we'll see who keeps his life or who loses it. You three, what do you have to say?

**Wei Xu: **We wish to serve you, Lord Cao Cao! I can no longer serve an animal who only thinks of war!

**Song Xian:** Yeah!

**Hou Cheng:** We wish to serve you, Lord Cao Cao!

**Lu Bu:** Why did you three betray me? I treated all of you very well!

**Wei Xu:** Listening to your wives is treating us well? If you listened to Chen Gong, we won't be like this!

**Lu Bu: **Grrr…

**Cao Cao:** You three will serve me, then. Live! Use all of your power and intellect to serve me!

**Wei Xu:** We thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

**Cao Cao:** No Problem. You! Do you want to live, or follow Lu Bu to death?!

**Gao Shun:** Execute me! I will not serve the likes of you!

**Cao Cao: **Very well, then. Execute him!

**Gao Shun:** Look how I die with honor!

Gao Shun was executed. Next one is Chen Gong.

**Cao Cao: **Chen Gong, my friend… I will spare you.

**Chen Gong:** Execute me… I am no longer needed here…

**Cao Cao:** But… Why?

**Chen Gong:** As I said, I am no longer needed here. Execute me, Cao Cao. I only ask that you treat my family with honor.

**Cao Cao:** Well… If that is what you desire then… I thought you wanted to serve me but… Well, I will do as you want.

**Chen Gong:** Thanks, my friend… May heavens watch over you!

**Cao Cao:** Urgh… Execute him… I'm sorry my friend…

The next ones in the line were Lu Bu and Zhang Liao.

**Lu Bu: **Cao Cao! I heard that you use talented generals… Then use ME! The world will be yours!

**Jia Xu:** Maybe… (Puts Not Bad Meme Face)

**Zhang Liao:** Lu Bu! You are bringing shame to your honor! Even defeated generals have pride!

**Lu Bu:** Grr…

**Liu Bei:** Cao Cao, have you not seen what has happened to Ding Yuan and Dong Zhuo? Lu Bu will surely rebel if you let him be!

**Lu Bu: **You big eared fellow! Have you forgotten the incident with Ji Ling?

**Cao Cao:** Kill Lu Bu!

**Lu Bu:** Cao Cao, Liu Bei! CURSE YOU! WHY! NOOOOO! I AM INVINCIBLE! YOU CAN'T KILL ME! YOU'RE NOTHING!

**Cao Cao:** Humph… Another threat eliminated. Zhang Liao, do you have something to say?

**Zhang Liao:** Kill me! I am ready to die!

**Guan Yu:** Lord Cao Cao, please spare him! He is an officer of bravery and honor! He will serve you faithfully!

**Cao Cao:** Well, then. Guan Yu says that you will serve me. I will not kill you, then. Stand, Zhang Liao! You will be an integral part of my plans!

**Zhang Liao:** Oh… Guan Yu! Lord Cow Cow! Thank you!

**Cao Cao: **Urgh… Must I have to do this all the times when new people join me! It's Tsao Tsao, not Cow Cow, Zhang Liao.

**Zhang Liao: **Forgive my ineptitude, my lord…

**Cao Cao:** It's fine. Now for the real fun… who wants to take a chance with Lu Bu's girlfriend?

**Xiahou Yuan: **MEEEE!

**Zhang Fei: **MEEE!

**Guan Yu:** I suppose I can have luck in this… Besides, she is hot!

**Xiahou Dun: **MEEEE!

**Xu Huang: **MEEEE!

**Zhang Liao:** She is like my sister, I cannot do this…

**Jia Xu: **Hmph… I already have a woman, I don't need another…

**Liu Bei:** I agree with Jia Xu. I have two. I don't need another.

**Guo Jia:** Hello Sexy Lady! (Winks) Why don't you come with me? I will give you anything you desire! Oh… What a better day to fall in love!

**Everyone except Diaochan: **Hahahahahahahaha!

**Diaochan:** Urghh…

**Cao Cao:** And of course, ME! I cannot let such a FINE woman to be wasted on such a beast!

**Diaochan:** My lord Lu Bu is more than you will ever be!

**Cao Cao: **Oh, come on… You don't have to be rough with me… The winner will treat you well and give you everything you desire, as Guo Jia said! The participants are:

#1- Cao Cao

#2- Xiahou Dun

#3- Xiahou Yuan

#4- Xu Huang

#5- Guan Yu

#6- Zhang Fei

#7- Guo Jia

**Cao Cao: **And the winner is… Number 5! Guan Yu!

**Xiahou Yuan: **But why? I was the one who found her. She was chasing after me! I know I'm hot but please, don't make it obvious girl! (winks)

**Guo Jia: **But why did I lose… I was so confident… Anyway, congratulations, Master Guan Yu.

**Guan Yu:** YEAH! Take that Xiahou Dun!

**Xiahou Dun:** Grrr… Guan Yu…

**Liu Bei:** I knew you could do it, Brother!

**Zhang Fei: **Grrr… Why I don't have a woman! I WANT A WOMAN! I'm out of here!

**Liu Bei:** Zhang Fei! Wait for me!

Guan Yu then took Diaochan in his arms and went to talk with her.

**Guan Yu:** I know you don't like this… It must be hard for you.. I will let you go. You can do whatever you like after that. I won't stop you if you want to follow Lu Bu in the afterlife.

**Diaochan:** Really?! Thanks, Lord Guan Yu!

**Guan Yu:** But I want something in return. You need to show me all of your power. If you know what I mean Hehehehehe… (strokes beard and winks)

**Diaochan: **For my freedom, do what you must. I'm all yours, Lord Guan Yu.

**Guan Yu:** Ohhh yeahh!

After Guan Yu got "the something" from Diaochan. He let her go. When Cao Cao heard this, he wanted to take Diaochan. Diaochan committed suicide when she heard this, following her Lord Lu Bu to the afterlife.

Meanwhile, Zhang Fei with the help of Liu Bei, discovered a certain someone. She was the niece of Xiahou Yuan and was 14 at the time. Zhang Fei had twice her age. Initially, Lady Xiahou didn't want to go with Zhang Fei. But Liu Bei helped him and made her faint with medicine.

**Zhang Fei: **Hello there! What's your name, girl?

**Lady Xiahou: **All you gotta know is that I'm way out of your league. Goodbye!

**Zhang Fei:** Why you little… Brother, now!

**Liu Bei: **A man of virtue like me shouldn't be doing such things… Ugh…

**Zhang Fei:** Yay! I got a girl! Yoohoo!

**Liu Bei:** Next chapter will be the battle against Yuan Shu. I will destroy him with the help of the Sun Family! But before that, we will see the side story #2, Lu Bu's final moments!

**Zhang Fei:** Brother Liu Bei is going to meet his 3rd wife! An energetic and beautiful girl who also knows how to fight! But she isn't a match for me! See ya, brother! I will show my new girl our castle!

**Liu Bei:** We hope that you will read the next chapter! Have a good day!

**END OF CHAPTER 18**

**Next chapter is the the side story #2, Lu Bu's final moments. After that is the Battle against Yuan Shu and after that is the side story #3, Liu Bei gets nervous around Sun Shangxiang.**


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